I give thanks for coming home on a Friday with my dialysis week all done. It's not been a bad one - I've had the side room again and been attended to by some of the staff I find it easiest to converse with, only had one blood pressure plummet and have generally renally felt quite well, but oh it's good to have two days off!
I give thanks, though leaps and bounds would be a slight exaggeration, the progress made on doing up the flat this week has invigorated me to do more of what I can when I can in between various body parts arguing the toss, the better ready for when further assistance arrives. For coming home and working on some not too demanding tasks before my tea...and for a very undemanding tea! For the wonders of a freezer, and the many items there are available to fill one up these days - a freezer and or an eater!
For spotting crocuses, daffodils and primroses peeping so far this year though not a snowdrop...until I spent an entire taxi ride peering at every garden, hedgerow and bank and finally caught a glimpse of one weedy clump today. I feel cheated if I don't have a really good eyeful of these lovely flowers at winter's end and must put it on the non-decorating/shopping/health related to do list to try to find some more as soon as I can.
For Richard Coles on Antiques Road Trip. I only watch it if it's people or places I like and I like Richard Coles and Scotland very much! For having Don't Leave Me This Way to hum while grovelling on the floor to touch up a bit of skirting board...and remembering being young!
Friday, 31 January 2020
Thursday, 30 January 2020
Working
All the recent talk and thinking of travelling and walks meant I had it in my head to try to fit in a short non-shopping related stroll today. When I woke up feeling particularly rough therefore, I was quite grateful for the uninviting drizzly weather! I give thanks the noise of the workman downstairs meant staying in bed wasn't especially appealing either, so that I made it to up, dressed and on the sofa in time for a visit from the charity link worker about their home help service. It's the kind of role that can lead to a way of talking that seems to me like talking down, and though it probably is unconscious or not meant to come across that way but I'm grateful for not feeling such a hopeless case by the time the chap had gone. I give thanks meanwhile the sun had come out so I went back to plan A and inched along the coast around the corner so I could see a different view...and, as a bonus, one that was for a while free of people! Oh what a treat for my soul if not my knees and back...
I give thanks for a snooze on the sofa on my return, and then for Julie and Spencer coming round to move various pieces of furniture and possessions around so we could get to the one remaining woodchipped wall and strip it. For the good feeling of to completing that step towards completion. For the taking time to admire the fab sunset while we were doing it, and to make a quick trip to the big recycling bins and the supermarket where we collected more stuff that will eventually need its packaging recycling, which is pretty much the way the world works for most of us now. I give thanks for leftovers for tea, as I am a mite fatigued to put it mildly. And talking of mild I give thanks the weather is too...
I give thanks for a snooze on the sofa on my return, and then for Julie and Spencer coming round to move various pieces of furniture and possessions around so we could get to the one remaining woodchipped wall and strip it. For the good feeling of to completing that step towards completion. For the taking time to admire the fab sunset while we were doing it, and to make a quick trip to the big recycling bins and the supermarket where we collected more stuff that will eventually need its packaging recycling, which is pretty much the way the world works for most of us now. I give thanks for leftovers for tea, as I am a mite fatigued to put it mildly. And talking of mild I give thanks the weather is too...
Wednesday, 29 January 2020
Rural
I give thanks for finally getting round to watching Boyhood last night, two or three years after recording it and another year or so after realising it was filmed with the same actors over twelve years. Amazing! I also give thanks for the stunning landscapes though it made me rather sad I won't be taking any state crossing road trips in this life time at least. For a discussion with the matron attaching me to the machine about the hospital wards named after county rivers...leading to a discussion about favourite local runs (him) and walks (me) and for the memories of these. And then for the taxi driver who picked me up remembering I like a scenic drive and bringing me home the way you get to see the big estuary, a bit of a sunset and some wonderful woods as darkness fell!
I give thanks for finally mastering turning off the overhead TV...and in the process, which involves stretching my arm right up as well as standing on tip toe, my sleeve gently rubbing off the last of the snaggy glue on my little wound.
I give thanks for a long overdue visit from Rachel, and all the joys that entails including a restorative acupuncture treatment, swapping stories and items surplus to requirements, a rather nice risotto made by me that was tasty and soothing to my sore mouth and tongue, and some helpful painting of high up bits of wall by her.
I give thanks for finally mastering turning off the overhead TV...and in the process, which involves stretching my arm right up as well as standing on tip toe, my sleeve gently rubbing off the last of the snaggy glue on my little wound.
I give thanks for a long overdue visit from Rachel, and all the joys that entails including a restorative acupuncture treatment, swapping stories and items surplus to requirements, a rather nice risotto made by me that was tasty and soothing to my sore mouth and tongue, and some helpful painting of high up bits of wall by her.
Tuesday, 28 January 2020
Effective
You get a very long list of possible side effects with the immunotherapy drug I've been given and, encouragingly (not), they say there could be more not mentioned! Some of the symptoms like fatigue and pain could be confused with fibromyalgia or kidney failure if you're lucky enough to have all three, but I've been inclined to think today it's the new meds not the old conditions making me wish I could recline all day. I give thanks for the hindrances to this being for the best - a delivery of stoma supplies to wait for and attend to, a very long winded but ultimately successful BT repair and Jo, who originally invited me to come out for lunch, bringing me a pint of milk so I didn't have to go anywhere but back to the sofa when all this was finally done. I also give thanks that other side effect -not listed here as this is a gratitude blog -being so far bearable if not particularly pleasant.
I give thanks for having more than three and a half hours to spare being not too involved with anything (including doing nothing at all ) for the phone line work to be done. For a second appropriately trained engineer available and not too far away to come and access the black box on the flat roof...twice. For persuading Jo to persuade the chap to bring the milk up on one of his trips to save both our legs. In a way I also gave thanks for it eventually being proved the fault was outside because everyone likes to be right even if it takes a very long time, but most of all, of course, for finally having the internet that works properly again.
I give thanks for getting a few useful things done through the afternoon's disruption, and even more for being able to relax and rest at last. For watching the weather change from sunshine to rain and back again over and over throughout the day. For bacon flavour salad sprinkles which I've been meaning to try for a while. They are tasty crunchy, vegetarian and potentially versatile I should think though so far I've only sprinkled them over something that wasn't salad!
I give thanks for having more than three and a half hours to spare being not too involved with anything (including doing nothing at all ) for the phone line work to be done. For a second appropriately trained engineer available and not too far away to come and access the black box on the flat roof...twice. For persuading Jo to persuade the chap to bring the milk up on one of his trips to save both our legs. In a way I also gave thanks for it eventually being proved the fault was outside because everyone likes to be right even if it takes a very long time, but most of all, of course, for finally having the internet that works properly again.
I give thanks for getting a few useful things done through the afternoon's disruption, and even more for being able to relax and rest at last. For watching the weather change from sunshine to rain and back again over and over throughout the day. For bacon flavour salad sprinkles which I've been meaning to try for a while. They are tasty crunchy, vegetarian and potentially versatile I should think though so far I've only sprinkled them over something that wasn't salad!
Monday, 27 January 2020
Clean
I give thanks for nice clean blood and a bit of a snooze in a secluded side room after a particularly delicious cup of tea and fresh crisp biscuits. Yesterday evening and for the first part of the day my body made it clear that I needed to slow down with the being extra wonderful on top of merely staying alive, but by home time today I was ready for a bit more of the same... for which I was very grateful as there is so much more I want to get done before those aforementioned strong arms, long legs and tool wielding hands arrive.
I give thanks I'm due to have a visit this week from the charity to whom I've applied for reasonably priced domestic help. In the meantime I give thanks for giving the veg box in the fridge a good clear out and scrub, which is the kind of job I'd love to delegate! For missing the worst of the weather in the brief periods I was outside. For the light traffic and light sky on the journey back - until another band of deep grey clouds arrived. For a hastily constructed tea when the chores were done and a cosy relaxing evening planned.
I give thanks I'm due to have a visit this week from the charity to whom I've applied for reasonably priced domestic help. In the meantime I give thanks for giving the veg box in the fridge a good clear out and scrub, which is the kind of job I'd love to delegate! For missing the worst of the weather in the brief periods I was outside. For the light traffic and light sky on the journey back - until another band of deep grey clouds arrived. For a hastily constructed tea when the chores were done and a cosy relaxing evening planned.
Sunday, 26 January 2020
Holey
What a lovely day for staying indoors, which is what I planned to do...but I give thanks for it drying and brightening up later for those who had other ideas. Although they've been the main focus of my time, I give thanks for not being wholly occupied with home improvement works - I've made food, washed up, ebay shopped when the internet was working and watched pre-recorded TV and You (the upper case first letter stops me from sounding creepy, right?)*
I'm particularly grateful for progress with tasks I need to complete before other taller, stronger and more skilled people come and do the higher, heavier, trickier bits...and that some of the cooking was for my tea so I can relax this evening. Also for tackling a very deep hole I discovered under some woodchip. Unibond to seal, a little round bit of MDF Clive cut for something else that could be spared to attach to the lath, and an improvised 'icing' bag to squeeze some filler in as even if I had a tube or cartridge gun of the stuff my hands aren't strong enough to use them any more. The plastic bag for this was one surgical surgical supplies come in and which rarely have a second function before they have to be disposed of, so I gave thanks for more available for other holes in the future and for making double use of them.
* it's a Netflix thing in case you didn't know
I'm particularly grateful for progress with tasks I need to complete before other taller, stronger and more skilled people come and do the higher, heavier, trickier bits...and that some of the cooking was for my tea so I can relax this evening. Also for tackling a very deep hole I discovered under some woodchip. Unibond to seal, a little round bit of MDF Clive cut for something else that could be spared to attach to the lath, and an improvised 'icing' bag to squeeze some filler in as even if I had a tube or cartridge gun of the stuff my hands aren't strong enough to use them any more. The plastic bag for this was one surgical surgical supplies come in and which rarely have a second function before they have to be disposed of, so I gave thanks for more available for other holes in the future and for making double use of them.
* it's a Netflix thing in case you didn't know
Saturday, 25 January 2020
Homely
It's been about a year that I've been here and I give thanks for the many ways since my quality of life has improved. As there's been quite a few other ways in which this has plummeted that's testament to the wisdom of the move!
I give thanks for waking up late enough to feel refreshed but early enough to fit in a lie in before the banging began below. There's still a lot of homemaking to be completed, or in some cases even started, so I'm also grateful for feeling relatively fit and strong and getting stuck in to various aspects of that...and for actually doing more than I thought I might achieve! For my new bus pass working (phew!) and for thinking, as I travelled back to where I used to live to visit the better shops, how good it is not to make that extra journey six times a week for hospital visits pleasant though it is!
I give thanks for a charity shop find of a lap tray without a silly picture on it, which will make lazy eating less messy, plus some miniature glasses for my minimal alcohol intake. For a variety of food about the place ready to eat and needing eating up us I'm utterly exhausted after all of the above. I give thanks this is somehow much more pleasant than my post immunotherapy therapy exhaustion last weekend...and for the atmospheric murkiness of the day,
I give thanks for waking up late enough to feel refreshed but early enough to fit in a lie in before the banging began below. There's still a lot of homemaking to be completed, or in some cases even started, so I'm also grateful for feeling relatively fit and strong and getting stuck in to various aspects of that...and for actually doing more than I thought I might achieve! For my new bus pass working (phew!) and for thinking, as I travelled back to where I used to live to visit the better shops, how good it is not to make that extra journey six times a week for hospital visits pleasant though it is!
I give thanks for a charity shop find of a lap tray without a silly picture on it, which will make lazy eating less messy, plus some miniature glasses for my minimal alcohol intake. For a variety of food about the place ready to eat and needing eating up us I'm utterly exhausted after all of the above. I give thanks this is somehow much more pleasant than my post immunotherapy therapy exhaustion last weekend...and for the atmospheric murkiness of the day,
Friday, 24 January 2020
Faulty
I give thanks for having a spare five minutes during treatment today and deciding to double check that BT fault raised with engineer appointment for tomorrow hadn't disappeared into oblivion like the last one... and it had, so I was grateful I had thirty five more to spend mostly on hold trying to sort the situation out! I've used up my monthly mobile data package in less than two weeks so this is getting expensive as well as irritating, plus I now have to wait until Tuesday for someone to come out and (I hope) get it fixed. I give thanks for being in a different side room today with better WiFi than my usual retreat and for trying as hard as I could to do what I could before I left the building, including starting writing this and downloading some episodes of Netflix series I've been enjoying when I can.
Later it dawned on me I should be grateful for now having the whole weekend to do what I want when I want (within usual limitations of course), and actually I am. Two days 'off duty' is such a blessing, and I have plenty of stuff I'd like to do that doesn't involve websites, like working on my will without the distraction of browsing ebay! I give thanks after a long sulk my laptop finally agreed to turn on which will help with that.
I give thanks for a chat with one of the chaps working in downstairs next door while I was waiting for the taxi driver to stop hiding round the corner. They are finding and removing asbestos which was hiding behind the wall panels and ceilings, and despite the tedious racket they can't help making they seem to be good sorts not least because of their lush Geordie accents. They are in the bingo bit but there has been work going on all along the amusement section of the terrace. I came over all optimistic again when there was an Openreach van parked outside my door when I got home and talked to that chap too. Apparently cables had been damaged during the renovations so I rushed upstairs to see if my own service, or the local hotspot had been restored during the repairs but no such luck, so back to the knitting I guess!
Later it dawned on me I should be grateful for now having the whole weekend to do what I want when I want (within usual limitations of course), and actually I am. Two days 'off duty' is such a blessing, and I have plenty of stuff I'd like to do that doesn't involve websites, like working on my will without the distraction of browsing ebay! I give thanks after a long sulk my laptop finally agreed to turn on which will help with that.
I give thanks for a chat with one of the chaps working in downstairs next door while I was waiting for the taxi driver to stop hiding round the corner. They are finding and removing asbestos which was hiding behind the wall panels and ceilings, and despite the tedious racket they can't help making they seem to be good sorts not least because of their lush Geordie accents. They are in the bingo bit but there has been work going on all along the amusement section of the terrace. I came over all optimistic again when there was an Openreach van parked outside my door when I got home and talked to that chap too. Apparently cables had been damaged during the renovations so I rushed upstairs to see if my own service, or the local hotspot had been restored during the repairs but no such luck, so back to the knitting I guess!
Thursday, 23 January 2020
Optimistic
Last night on Coach Trip Brendan told the passengers a bit about his former life and the death of his beloved long time partner which (eventually) transformed it. We were all moved to tears, and I remembered more of the story from a documentary a while ago when he explained that Les has been waiting for a kidney transplant when he died of heart failure. I give thanks that for some people donated organs can extend and enhance life, and for the upcoming change in relevant law intended to facilitate this. For the wonders of contemporary surgery, including the super glue they can put on small wounds like the one on my elbow so it's easier to keep clean while it heals.
I also give thanks for all the many times the aforementioned tour guide and his travellers have made me laugh over the years - that's good medicine too! For looking on line to see if he has written an autobiography, finding he had and ordering a second hand paperback copy straight away. I also found out it's his birthday today which explains a lot! Happy Birthday Mr Sheerin!
Talking of birthdays I give thanks for tentative plans to do something around the time of mine with Julie and Spencer who came over this afternoon for some help with errands and chores, and sharing tales of the curious behaviour of those better at being 'normal' than we are.
I've also been grateful my mojo is still around. I do know what I'd do without her as the answer is not a lot at all! It's good to feel more normal for me again... I've even started sorting out yarn and needles for a project I've had in mind for eighteen months or so. At the rate I'm likely to be able to progress making a garment will probably take another eighteen so its quite an act of faith but I've worked out the tension I prefer and if I could just find one of my tape measures I could make a start. In the meantime this is what optimism looks like folks...
I also give thanks for all the many times the aforementioned tour guide and his travellers have made me laugh over the years - that's good medicine too! For looking on line to see if he has written an autobiography, finding he had and ordering a second hand paperback copy straight away. I also found out it's his birthday today which explains a lot! Happy Birthday Mr Sheerin!
Talking of birthdays I give thanks for tentative plans to do something around the time of mine with Julie and Spencer who came over this afternoon for some help with errands and chores, and sharing tales of the curious behaviour of those better at being 'normal' than we are.
I've also been grateful my mojo is still around. I do know what I'd do without her as the answer is not a lot at all! It's good to feel more normal for me again... I've even started sorting out yarn and needles for a project I've had in mind for eighteen months or so. At the rate I'm likely to be able to progress making a garment will probably take another eighteen so its quite an act of faith but I've worked out the tension I prefer and if I could just find one of my tape measures I could make a start. In the meantime this is what optimism looks like folks...
Wednesday, 22 January 2020
Prepared
I give thanks I'd only just started prepping tea for Rachel and I this morning when she advised she was going down with some lurgy and, as I'm advised to avoid such things, we agreed we'd better postpone. A treatment would have been very welcome, along with her company and decorating skills, but after recent ordeals and a restless night it was also very pleasant to take it at a slower pace this morning. I also give thanks for lots of chopped leeks for the next few days' meals - they are my pretty much my favourite veg so really this is no problem!
I give thanks for my day otherwise passing relatively smoothly, and for a bit of a shared rant with the lovely dietician about communication failures after she'd turned up to do a test on me on Wednesday when I wasn't there, and the replacement test that was done on Friday was done by the wrong person! I'm also extremely grateful none of this related to my intake of potentially noxious substances as I'm extremely careful about what I eat though in an apparently rather casual manner. .. For a restorative nap after I was set up on the machine, waking up to the sound of the tea trolley en route to my room. Result!
I give thanks for feeling better this evening than I have done since Friday morning before the shenanigans began. Even my sore arm is much improved after keeping it still for a few hours. I've just been using it to start prepping tomorrow's tea along with tonight's, just in case the improvement in general wellbeing doesn't last... or I think of something else to do with it!
I give thanks for my day otherwise passing relatively smoothly, and for a bit of a shared rant with the lovely dietician about communication failures after she'd turned up to do a test on me on Wednesday when I wasn't there, and the replacement test that was done on Friday was done by the wrong person! I'm also extremely grateful none of this related to my intake of potentially noxious substances as I'm extremely careful about what I eat though in an apparently rather casual manner. .. For a restorative nap after I was set up on the machine, waking up to the sound of the tea trolley en route to my room. Result!
I give thanks for feeling better this evening than I have done since Friday morning before the shenanigans began. Even my sore arm is much improved after keeping it still for a few hours. I've just been using it to start prepping tomorrow's tea along with tonight's, just in case the improvement in general wellbeing doesn't last... or I think of something else to do with it!
Tuesday, 21 January 2020
Appreciated
Although there's several sad reasons for this, I give thanks so few of my readers can appreciate what it's like to have cancer. Seeing it from the outside is very different from knowing it's inside you! Sometimes over the years I've wished I had someone beside me on this journey, but the reality is it's still one you have to make on your own, so I give thanks for my emotional self sufficiency...and for the times when I physically need help and am blessed enough to receive it. For local Jo, chauffeured by also local mutual friend John (duplicate names get confusing sometimes!) delivering some prescriptions and pampering products ordered online for a spot of self nurturing when I have the energy to prise myself away from TV and books.
Today, as my body is still processing the first dose of Pembro (long name short for the immunotherapy drug) and my arm still sore from the procedure, I've been grateful for an almost duvet day today, though the planned long lie in was cut short by workmen arriving on the landing a metre from my pillow at 9.00 am! I give thanks they eventually managed to get the old rotten window out and a new one fitted in but it was a tad noisy and chilly while they did it!
And talking of chilli, I give thanks the hastily put together tea I described dismissively to a day case nurse as 'one step up from a ready meal' was several stepladders up from any ready meal I've tried with chunks of tasty vegetables and tofu absorbing the spicy sauce do it had flavour too. Must do that again sometime... Special mention to the member of staff who not only remembered me from some other visit but also had a lovely positive and appreciative attitude. 'Look how light it still is!' she said when I was waiting for the taxi home. I'm always saying that to people late afternoon this time of year, and they give me such puzzled looks...such a nice change to meet someone who sees it the same way, and says so!
Today, as my body is still processing the first dose of Pembro (long name short for the immunotherapy drug) and my arm still sore from the procedure, I've been grateful for an almost duvet day today, though the planned long lie in was cut short by workmen arriving on the landing a metre from my pillow at 9.00 am! I give thanks they eventually managed to get the old rotten window out and a new one fitted in but it was a tad noisy and chilly while they did it!
And talking of chilli, I give thanks the hastily put together tea I described dismissively to a day case nurse as 'one step up from a ready meal' was several stepladders up from any ready meal I've tried with chunks of tasty vegetables and tofu absorbing the spicy sauce do it had flavour too. Must do that again sometime... Special mention to the member of staff who not only remembered me from some other visit but also had a lovely positive and appreciative attitude. 'Look how light it still is!' she said when I was waiting for the taxi home. I'm always saying that to people late afternoon this time of year, and they give me such puzzled looks...such a nice change to meet someone who sees it the same way, and says so!
Monday, 20 January 2020
Waiting
What a beautiful dawn this morning! I was grateful for seeing it, and even more so for the times I've been up early enough to do so willingly! For the heavy frost on the fields, verges and hedgerows and the low sun turning the bare tree branches red gold.
I give thanks for being up early enough to take into account how slow the traffic is that time of day, but unfortunately the person who booked my taxi didn't so I was nearly half an hour late for the treatment slot I'd been finally given after many weeks of asking. I was grateful there was a wifi signal in the waiting room so I managed to do a few things on my tablet and phone but
was mystified as the to why nobody came to whisk me away so I could be on my way to wait in a different part of the hospital for the afternoon. I was even more mystified when I asked and was told I 'wasn't on the programme' - why did they think I was there then?
I give thanks eventually they found a place to put me with an uncomfy bed not a chair, and for trying to control my desire to sulk! We were just getting sorted when a bemused new member of staff started looking for his missing patient...and eventually it was worked out that the absent chap was at an appointment and I was to take his side room slot so I could gratefully catch up on some zzzs.
I give thanks for getting bumped towards the end of the surgery list as this meant I could blag a cup of tea and relax a bit in the empty WiFi enabled day case waiting room. For it being a quick procedure and for also blagging a couple of slices of toast afterwards to keep me going while waiting for the taxi home.
I give thanks for being up early enough to take into account how slow the traffic is that time of day, but unfortunately the person who booked my taxi didn't so I was nearly half an hour late for the treatment slot I'd been finally given after many weeks of asking. I was grateful there was a wifi signal in the waiting room so I managed to do a few things on my tablet and phone but
was mystified as the to why nobody came to whisk me away so I could be on my way to wait in a different part of the hospital for the afternoon. I was even more mystified when I asked and was told I 'wasn't on the programme' - why did they think I was there then?
I give thanks eventually they found a place to put me with an uncomfy bed not a chair, and for trying to control my desire to sulk! We were just getting sorted when a bemused new member of staff started looking for his missing patient...and eventually it was worked out that the absent chap was at an appointment and I was to take his side room slot so I could gratefully catch up on some zzzs.
I give thanks for getting bumped towards the end of the surgery list as this meant I could blag a cup of tea and relax a bit in the empty WiFi enabled day case waiting room. For it being a quick procedure and for also blagging a couple of slices of toast afterwards to keep me going while waiting for the taxi home.
Sunday, 19 January 2020
Pasty
I give thanks for another bright sunny day, Though I was outside even less than yesterday I enjoyed its warmth and light streaming through the windows.
I give thanks for feeling a bit less weak and wan this morning and making myself a batch of pancakes for brunch before a very necessary snoozy few hours on the sofa. My wifi connection is still absurdly slow and the local hot-spot is mostly down so as Netflix is thus out of the running for horizontal entertainment I've been grateful for pre-recorded TV, a long running mindless but rather addictive game on my tablet and a rather unusual novel I'm part way through.
I give thanks for getting a bag of items surplus to requirements to the charity shop just around the corner and picking up some easy post op eating from the Co-op on the opposite side of the road. For having such facilities close at hand. For Patak's korma paste making a few veg and some tofu into tomorrow's tea. Just got to finish making a packed breakfast and lunch now ready for my early start.
I give thanks for feeling a bit less weak and wan this morning and making myself a batch of pancakes for brunch before a very necessary snoozy few hours on the sofa. My wifi connection is still absurdly slow and the local hot-spot is mostly down so as Netflix is thus out of the running for horizontal entertainment I've been grateful for pre-recorded TV, a long running mindless but rather addictive game on my tablet and a rather unusual novel I'm part way through.
I give thanks for getting a bag of items surplus to requirements to the charity shop just around the corner and picking up some easy post op eating from the Co-op on the opposite side of the road. For having such facilities close at hand. For Patak's korma paste making a few veg and some tofu into tomorrow's tea. Just got to finish making a packed breakfast and lunch now ready for my early start.
Saturday, 18 January 2020
Sidelined
I give thanks for having proper job flu not long ago so I can be quite sure what I have now is merely 'flu like symptoms' - one of many possible side effects from the treatment I just started. For also being quite sure when I came home last night that I would be hardly troubled by any of these at all, and planning a normal day's activities albeit a quiet one after all the busy business of the last week. In fact I've spent most of the afternoon horizontal, after most of the morning in bed feeling reaching the sofa was a challenge just too far...
I give thanks although outdoors seemed impossibly distant I did manage to get there for an hour to collect my replacement specs and a couple of other odds and ends including some more filler in case I suddenly started feeling energetic again, There's been no sign of that so far, so I give thanks I was able to keep interaction and exercise to a minimum, and for drifting off into lots of micronaps before and after this demanding excursion. I give thanks for the sunshine and all the couples holding hands. For the pretty sky with lots of little pink streaks of cloud before darkness fell.
I give thanks my recently voracious appetite has calmed right down so snacks like sandwiches are all I need to prepare...
I give thanks although outdoors seemed impossibly distant I did manage to get there for an hour to collect my replacement specs and a couple of other odds and ends including some more filler in case I suddenly started feeling energetic again, There's been no sign of that so far, so I give thanks I was able to keep interaction and exercise to a minimum, and for drifting off into lots of micronaps before and after this demanding excursion. I give thanks for the sunshine and all the couples holding hands. For the pretty sky with lots of little pink streaks of cloud before darkness fell.
I give thanks my recently voracious appetite has calmed right down so snacks like sandwiches are all I need to prepare...
Friday, 17 January 2020
Patient
I give thanks for waking up feeling well and energetic. I'd felt pretty rough last night but it seems it was just getting cold and damp yesterday and using more energy than I had set aside...not having a day off dialysis on Wednesday. Phew! I give thanks for being up and functioning early(ish) and thus ready when the taxi arrived earlier than I thought it might. For surviving the tedium of another human being keen to tell you what they think is wrong in the world, what bad things have happened to them or they have heard about. Actually there were two, as the member of staff who disconnected me from the machine had a similar personality! I give thanks for remembering people can be however they choose to be...
I've only had intermittent internet access today but I was grateful for some nap time on ward 1, where they also started my treatment pretty quickly to speed me on my way though it was still quite a rush to get across the hospital to go and wait in Ward 2. I give thanks for being very patient when the new patient assessment I'd avoided before turned out to be a very lengthy process...and for staff being patient with me when I insisted on having the wording on the forms explained to me before I signed them! I give thanks for the oncology nurse understanding my humorous but somewhat jaded attitude and for getting the cannula in first time - always a bonus! My taxi home has long since departed without me so I give thanks for being able to continue with this while my treatment goes on...
I've only had intermittent internet access today but I was grateful for some nap time on ward 1, where they also started my treatment pretty quickly to speed me on my way though it was still quite a rush to get across the hospital to go and wait in Ward 2. I give thanks for being very patient when the new patient assessment I'd avoided before turned out to be a very lengthy process...and for staff being patient with me when I insisted on having the wording on the forms explained to me before I signed them! I give thanks for the oncology nurse understanding my humorous but somewhat jaded attitude and for getting the cannula in first time - always a bonus! My taxi home has long since departed without me so I give thanks for being able to continue with this while my treatment goes on...
Thursday, 16 January 2020
Mejor
I give thanks signalling problems last night caused my train's arrival to be delayed by more than 30 minutes as this meant I should be able to claim some delay repay. I wasn't grateful when some glitch in the system meant I couldn't claim last night but today's cancelled trains mean more form filling was required snd luckily my tricksy internet let me download them to print when I finally got home to fill in by hand sometime soonish.
I give thanks, after having it pointed out that better people than I just accept delays as part of the adventure and don't bother hard pressed train operators for a few pounds, I decided to claim anyway. Psychologically and philosophically I accept travel chaos just as I always have ie fine, but physiologically I need to be in better shape to withstand draughty damp delays and unplanned changing trains/platforms/modes of transport, which is why I was relieved to be able to book one through train in the first place! If these companies offer to pay you back some of the money you spent in good faith on a service suitable for your requirements, it doesn't seem to me that wicked to accept. Maybe the size of your bank balance helps you decide as well as your moral compass..
I give thanks after a rest I was able to go and get a bag of extra groceries as I've no idea how late or exhausted I'll get home after the two treatments tomorrow. For some nice canned Amy's Kitchen lentil soup for a quick late lunch a long hot bath and a cosy snooze in bed. So far I've been too tired and sore for the chores I hoped to get done before I leave for the hospital tomorrow at an as yet unspecified time...so I give thanks no matter how old and broken I might feel the night is still relatively rather young!
I give thanks, after having it pointed out that better people than I just accept delays as part of the adventure and don't bother hard pressed train operators for a few pounds, I decided to claim anyway. Psychologically and philosophically I accept travel chaos just as I always have ie fine, but physiologically I need to be in better shape to withstand draughty damp delays and unplanned changing trains/platforms/modes of transport, which is why I was relieved to be able to book one through train in the first place! If these companies offer to pay you back some of the money you spent in good faith on a service suitable for your requirements, it doesn't seem to me that wicked to accept. Maybe the size of your bank balance helps you decide as well as your moral compass..
I give thanks after a rest I was able to go and get a bag of extra groceries as I've no idea how late or exhausted I'll get home after the two treatments tomorrow. For some nice canned Amy's Kitchen lentil soup for a quick late lunch a long hot bath and a cosy snooze in bed. So far I've been too tired and sore for the chores I hoped to get done before I leave for the hospital tomorrow at an as yet unspecified time...so I give thanks no matter how old and broken I might feel the night is still relatively rather young!
Wednesday, 15 January 2020
Living
I give thanks for another day feeling I'm living not merely staying alive. For a cup a cup of tea in bed (woohoo) and a lift to the station for mini adventure number two visiting Jan in Birmingham. For the glorious winter sunshine this morning on the glorious winter countryside on the journey, and for thinking how blessed I am to be travelling on routes outside my normal routine. I never forget how much I need this to satisfy my soul but as it's do hard to arrange these days I try to keep the yearning firmly suppressed until I can.
I give thanks for the way I find a little holiday releases extra energy, partly due to the novelty of ways to use this precious resource and partly due to the reprieve from the wearing and decidedly not novel daily chores and duties. For a leisurely stroll to a vegan cafe for a good lunch and a taxi ride back to Jan's for a relaxing afternoon chatting to each other and her many furry friends of various colours and sizes. For the 'delayed' train back to John and Jo's setting off on time after all, and having a handy stable internet connection.
I give thanks for the way I find a little holiday releases extra energy, partly due to the novelty of ways to use this precious resource and partly due to the reprieve from the wearing and decidedly not novel daily chores and duties. For a leisurely stroll to a vegan cafe for a good lunch and a taxi ride back to Jan's for a relaxing afternoon chatting to each other and her many furry friends of various colours and sizes. For the 'delayed' train back to John and Jo's setting off on time after all, and having a handy stable internet connection.
Tuesday, 14 January 2020
Moving
I give thanks for a booked window seat on a train that actually had a window not a blank wall, and for it being clean enough to see out of! For the refreshment trolley coming along just after I boarded not just before I got off, for the simple practicality of a little tub to put the tea bag and milk cartons in when you'd used them and for the train pausing long enough in a station to sort it out without splashes and spills. Apparently insignificant things can mean a lot sometimes but also, as you might imagine, I give a lot of thanks for the bigger picture of me being able to be somewhere else for a couple of days.
I give thanks for John and Jo accepting my request to visit and for taking care of me so well. What a wonderful treat not to be in charge of catering and other chores for a while! For the weather being tolerable during the bits I was out in it, despite being quite tempestuous in between and the wind nearly knocking me off my feet when I turned an exposed corner. For more adventures on the agenda tomorrow all being well...
I give thanks for John and Jo accepting my request to visit and for taking care of me so well. What a wonderful treat not to be in charge of catering and other chores for a while! For the weather being tolerable during the bits I was out in it, despite being quite tempestuous in between and the wind nearly knocking me off my feet when I turned an exposed corner. For more adventures on the agenda tomorrow all being well...
Monday, 13 January 2020
Watery
I give thanks the internet was still working this morning albeit very slowly, and for eventually managing to persuade my ancient printer to produce a pile of bank statements for my Watercare tariff renewal. I'd literally just sealed the envelope and written the (mercifully) freepost address when the water company phoned to say they were reducing my monthly payments. That quick eh? Well actually no, this was because of my unexpectedly minimal water consumption over the last year...and there's going to be a chunky rebate too! I give thanks trying to be ecologically economical can sometimes also have financial benefits...
I give thanks though the chap from the local charity didn't want my old chairs he took my old table away. Every little helps - everyone! For politely insisting several times someone sort my schedule for next Monday when I'm due to have a little op on my fistula at the same time I'm due to have dialysis. And for it being done, though of course I'll have to be at the hospital about the time I'd normally be getting out of bed! Hopefully that will all go smoothly, unlike cancelling my taxi for tonight as Clive was picking me up...when the taxi still arrived, and Clive went to the wrong hospital! For storm Brenda being gentle while I waited...
I give thanks for raising B&Q on the way home for some batten and brackets for shelves that will go up one day, and for a bathroom towel rail that is up now. Oh the sophistication! For a mahoosive fish and chip supper to share according to our individual dietary requirements...
I give thanks though the chap from the local charity didn't want my old chairs he took my old table away. Every little helps - everyone! For politely insisting several times someone sort my schedule for next Monday when I'm due to have a little op on my fistula at the same time I'm due to have dialysis. And for it being done, though of course I'll have to be at the hospital about the time I'd normally be getting out of bed! Hopefully that will all go smoothly, unlike cancelling my taxi for tonight as Clive was picking me up...when the taxi still arrived, and Clive went to the wrong hospital! For storm Brenda being gentle while I waited...
I give thanks for raising B&Q on the way home for some batten and brackets for shelves that will go up one day, and for a bathroom towel rail that is up now. Oh the sophistication! For a mahoosive fish and chip supper to share according to our individual dietary requirements...
Sunday, 12 January 2020
Italiano
Ooh a bright mild winter's day when I was well enough to go out and didn't have to go to the hospital - that's certainly something to be grateful for! For a quick trip with Mima to my favourite Italian refreshment kiosk which at a new venue along the coast a little at the moment but still sells the lushest cappuccino. This is a beverage I'm meant to 'avoid' but I've managed to avoid it for the last five months so I've given it my best shot! For my legs enjoying being stretched a little getting there and back, though my back itself was having quite a grumble... For it being perfectly pleasant enough to sit outdoors in the sunshine to enjoy it and the cake...For the light and the cloud formations and the varied shapes of the headlands.
I give thanks for buying some rather retro style roll up bamboo table mats to go on my actually retro table. Not only do they look the part but when I laugh out loud listening to Just a Minute while eating my lunch they protect the surrounding area! For the marvellously on the ball 96 year old Mr Parsons - how does he do it?
For my internet suddenly connecting again. Don't how long that will last but enjoying it while I can...
I give thanks for buying some rather retro style roll up bamboo table mats to go on my actually retro table. Not only do they look the part but when I laugh out loud listening to Just a Minute while eating my lunch they protect the surrounding area! For the marvellously on the ball 96 year old Mr Parsons - how does he do it?
For my internet suddenly connecting again. Don't how long that will last but enjoying it while I can...
Saturday, 11 January 2020
Beastly
Both my home internet and the local hot-spot are out of action now so I give thanks for a bit of remaining mobile data. For having another go at raising a fault...
For that wonderful wolf moon. For lambs in the fields, and another field full of lambs still in their mummies' tummies. How strange and sad that folk want to eat the cute little things! For the newly packaged Co op 'incredible' burgers still being the same delicious meat free eat. They don't taste of any animal I've ever eaten but are utterly delicious with salad and relish in one of their caramelised red onion ciabatta rolls. For being utterly spoilt in the range food available just around the corner.
For having a bus stop just around a different one and for getting my bus pass photos at a reasonable price at the end of a scenic bus pass ride. For managing to climb the stairs to the top deck where the windows are far cleaner! For the joy of coming home to a home I enjoy living in.
For that wonderful wolf moon. For lambs in the fields, and another field full of lambs still in their mummies' tummies. How strange and sad that folk want to eat the cute little things! For the newly packaged Co op 'incredible' burgers still being the same delicious meat free eat. They don't taste of any animal I've ever eaten but are utterly delicious with salad and relish in one of their caramelised red onion ciabatta rolls. For being utterly spoilt in the range food available just around the corner.
For having a bus stop just around a different one and for getting my bus pass photos at a reasonable price at the end of a scenic bus pass ride. For managing to climb the stairs to the top deck where the windows are far cleaner! For the joy of coming home to a home I enjoy living in.
Friday, 10 January 2020
Heavy
Yay! The fit and early rising neighbour who usually puts the bins out managed to put them out on the right seasonally unusual day... I'm very grateful our rubbish and recycling is under control again as it was piling up outside, and inside too as no more would fit in the containers. I give thanks for having the strength and motivation to get some shopping before leaving for the hospital today, and also bring the empties in, which is quite enough effort for me.
For the print shop across the road being open so I could get some of their good value lightweight (per sheet but not per pack!) copy paper so I didn't have to carry it far. I've run out of flimsy stuff after sending so many letters, photocopies and bank statements over the last twelve months and it seems such a waste using the heavier better quality sort. For the bright and surprisingly mild sunshine, and being picked up in a people carrier so I could see over the hedgerows on the way to the hospital. For a particularly delicious packed lunch...food is irresistible just now and I'm beginning to wonder (but not yet worry) if I might overshoot the three kilos I lost to the flu...
For a nice quiet treatment and an interesting chat on the way home with a driver I've met before but won't see for a while as he's off to India for three months motorbiking with his son! For him understanding the concept and practice of a gratitude diary. He also said 'twelve years?' in an incredulous tone which made me realise how incredible that is...
For the print shop across the road being open so I could get some of their good value lightweight (per sheet but not per pack!) copy paper so I didn't have to carry it far. I've run out of flimsy stuff after sending so many letters, photocopies and bank statements over the last twelve months and it seems such a waste using the heavier better quality sort. For the bright and surprisingly mild sunshine, and being picked up in a people carrier so I could see over the hedgerows on the way to the hospital. For a particularly delicious packed lunch...food is irresistible just now and I'm beginning to wonder (but not yet worry) if I might overshoot the three kilos I lost to the flu...
For a nice quiet treatment and an interesting chat on the way home with a driver I've met before but won't see for a while as he's off to India for three months motorbiking with his son! For him understanding the concept and practice of a gratitude diary. He also said 'twelve years?' in an incredulous tone which made me realise how incredible that is...
Thursday, 9 January 2020
Reasonable
I give thanks for food. We have so much, don't we? Quantity and quality and choice, even for folk who can't drive or walk to a lot of different shops, or have to follow a special diet. I give thanks for all the items we'd never even heard of as kids (especially kids like I was - raised on minimal cook convenience meals!) that tickle our tastebuds now...
I give thanks for books - informative, enlightening or amusing non-fiction, the winding trail of words that leads you into a novel's heart. For the warm hug of hot bath water when you're full of aches and pains.
If I could have stayed in the bath eating snacks and reading books I'd probably been a lot more grateful than I've managed to be for most of today which has been frustrated me many times. I give thanks for trying to be nice to oncology admin who seem to have a whole book full of different songs from the consultants, transport organisers and myself, but nonetheless putting my size four very firmly on the floor over some utterly unrealistic and unsympathetic timetabling. For remembering that small business owners can open and close whenever they fancy and don't have to stick to what it says on the door at all, even if you have tried to as a customer... For reasoning that £12 for a new photo for my new disabled bus pass is a bargain in terms of fares saved, but I can't get over the fact that it goes into a small town photographer's pocket rather that the council who offer the concession, and that if the booth I had travelled to use had been working it would have cost half that and no one to sneer at me for free! I give thanks for still being hopeful I might find a cheaper way before my current pass expires, though ironically it might take a bus ride or two! I give thanks I did at least manage to get the last pack of Cheeky Panda toilet rolls in the area before anyone else did. Selfish I know...
I give thanks for the bright bright sunshine this morning, and for the rain later in the day. It's great I could go out and at least try to do useful things, but if it's sunny I'd rather go out and play! Ooh, I just heard I got my Warm Home Discount added to my Bulb account - mmm, a long hot bath with a book before tea methinks!
I give thanks for books - informative, enlightening or amusing non-fiction, the winding trail of words that leads you into a novel's heart. For the warm hug of hot bath water when you're full of aches and pains.
If I could have stayed in the bath eating snacks and reading books I'd probably been a lot more grateful than I've managed to be for most of today which has been frustrated me many times. I give thanks for trying to be nice to oncology admin who seem to have a whole book full of different songs from the consultants, transport organisers and myself, but nonetheless putting my size four very firmly on the floor over some utterly unrealistic and unsympathetic timetabling. For remembering that small business owners can open and close whenever they fancy and don't have to stick to what it says on the door at all, even if you have tried to as a customer... For reasoning that £12 for a new photo for my new disabled bus pass is a bargain in terms of fares saved, but I can't get over the fact that it goes into a small town photographer's pocket rather that the council who offer the concession, and that if the booth I had travelled to use had been working it would have cost half that and no one to sneer at me for free! I give thanks for still being hopeful I might find a cheaper way before my current pass expires, though ironically it might take a bus ride or two! I give thanks I did at least manage to get the last pack of Cheeky Panda toilet rolls in the area before anyone else did. Selfish I know...
I give thanks for the bright bright sunshine this morning, and for the rain later in the day. It's great I could go out and at least try to do useful things, but if it's sunny I'd rather go out and play! Ooh, I just heard I got my Warm Home Discount added to my Bulb account - mmm, a long hot bath with a book before tea methinks!
Wednesday, 8 January 2020
Blooming
I give thanks for another afternoon in the relatively paradisiacal side room - it makes a huge difference to my sense of well being having some peace and privacy and there's even a little view of trees and sky! For particularly nice staff attending to me today, even the taxi drivers were OK. I give even more thanks for being home though, that's for sure. Yesterday was busy, and if my flesh is willing tomorrow will be too, but tonight it's take things easy time, despite having a bit of a nap during treatment earlier.
I give thanks my Christmas gift bulbs from Ann are blooming despite not being treated quite as well as they could have been at the start. How pretty they are...and I'm still in love with my absolutely fabulous second hand table and chairs on which they sit. There is still a lot of work to be done in the living room but if you don't look too closely it's looking pretty good and I'm very grateful for that. For how loosely attached the woodchip is...shame some of the plaster is too! I give thanks for 151 ready mixed filler - that stuff is the biz!
I give thanks my Christmas gift bulbs from Ann are blooming despite not being treated quite as well as they could have been at the start. How pretty they are...and I'm still in love with my absolutely fabulous second hand table and chairs on which they sit. There is still a lot of work to be done in the living room but if you don't look too closely it's looking pretty good and I'm very grateful for that. For how loosely attached the woodchip is...shame some of the plaster is too! I give thanks for 151 ready mixed filler - that stuff is the biz!
Tuesday, 7 January 2020
Done
I give thanks for the lovely misty drizzly weather today! Apparently some folk weren't keen but I thought it was great, partly due to the treat of being out in it, not on my way to or from hospital but to order some new specs to replace the ones I trod on a while ago. Even I agree it is a bit murky for my photochromic ones...
My back has been very sore after rashly putting a coat of paint on a couple of pieces of wood so I was grateful for a long sit down when I got home...on hold to the DWP to ask for a proof of benefit letter...twice, as I got cut off the first time just as I was connected to an advisor. For taking advantage of having to start again by having a late large leftovers lunch between attempts, and for finally succeeding. In these days of so much personal data accessible in so many ways, it is mystifying that even if you win a battle for benefit you still have to prove to other agencies that you have by means of a phone call and a hard copy letter.
I give thanks for being rested enough after call two to attempt to buy Cheeky Panda loo paper for the second time today, having been told in the first shop the second would have it. This turned out to be a terminological inexactitude, which I found somewhat exasperating, not to mention exhausting, but at least the pharmacy had found and processed my missing prescription and I could return my library books! I give thanks for also remembering to buy batteries for a gift I got earlier, having randomly (but quite correctly) decided to look in a very non-gift shop sale for an unusual something for someone. I give thanks for also remembering to put them in the parcel just before I sealed the box right up!
I give thanks for a pleasant and productive couple of hours with Clive getting some odd jobs done or at least moved further along to done-ness. Having someone else working does spur me on but I've completely run out of steam again now and am grateful I don't care the vacuuming is only half finished, and the dirty dish elves have been creating mucky crockery again. I give thanks Cauldron sausages are calling. I can just about stay upright long enough to cook a couple of those, I reckon...
My back has been very sore after rashly putting a coat of paint on a couple of pieces of wood so I was grateful for a long sit down when I got home...on hold to the DWP to ask for a proof of benefit letter...twice, as I got cut off the first time just as I was connected to an advisor. For taking advantage of having to start again by having a late large leftovers lunch between attempts, and for finally succeeding. In these days of so much personal data accessible in so many ways, it is mystifying that even if you win a battle for benefit you still have to prove to other agencies that you have by means of a phone call and a hard copy letter.
I give thanks for being rested enough after call two to attempt to buy Cheeky Panda loo paper for the second time today, having been told in the first shop the second would have it. This turned out to be a terminological inexactitude, which I found somewhat exasperating, not to mention exhausting, but at least the pharmacy had found and processed my missing prescription and I could return my library books! I give thanks for also remembering to buy batteries for a gift I got earlier, having randomly (but quite correctly) decided to look in a very non-gift shop sale for an unusual something for someone. I give thanks for also remembering to put them in the parcel just before I sealed the box right up!
I give thanks for a pleasant and productive couple of hours with Clive getting some odd jobs done or at least moved further along to done-ness. Having someone else working does spur me on but I've completely run out of steam again now and am grateful I don't care the vacuuming is only half finished, and the dirty dish elves have been creating mucky crockery again. I give thanks Cauldron sausages are calling. I can just about stay upright long enough to cook a couple of those, I reckon...
Monday, 6 January 2020
Improbable
If Carlsberg did dialysis, you'd be directed to a side room again and told as you'd liked it so much I could keep it - unless someone else needed isolating. This happened to me today, and I gave great thanks for that! And then a little later, when the tea trolley was due, one of the housekeeping staff knocked on the door and asked if I'd like some cake. Chocolate or...? she began but I never found out what the option was. Chocolate? I said, incredulous and drooling slightly...and I was served with a piece of rich cake with gooey frosting and chocolate curls. I think it was someone's birthday... felt like all mine had come at once! Absobloominglutely delicious!
I give thanks for reasonable taxi drivers too, including a chap on the way home who I always have interesting conversations with, plus a lot of laughs. So all in all the best dialysis day in my world - probably!
I give thanks for having more energy and motivation over the last couple of days as well. For Clive saying he'll come and do it himself sometime soon. I'm all behind with my share of the work that but when I got home I got as far as getting some paint and brushes out so that is a step in the right direction.
I give thanks H gets to ice dance with a guy and we softies all can have a happy cry.
I give thanks for reasonable taxi drivers too, including a chap on the way home who I always have interesting conversations with, plus a lot of laughs. So all in all the best dialysis day in my world - probably!
I give thanks for having more energy and motivation over the last couple of days as well. For Clive saying he'll come and do it himself sometime soon. I'm all behind with my share of the work that but when I got home I got as far as getting some paint and brushes out so that is a step in the right direction.
I give thanks H gets to ice dance with a guy and we softies all can have a happy cry.
Sunday, 5 January 2020
Down
Last night I was wondering where my mojo is when my mojo's gone - is she moonlighting as someone else's confidence and creativity and strength? I give thanks for thinking I'd mind being without her a lot less if I knew the benefits were being bestowed elsewhere. Also for remembering post viral depression is a thing, and even people who don't have shed loads of other stuff to get them down can suffer from it...
Part of the cause is apparently the slow return of energy so that one is struggling to do what needs to be done, let alone what might be pleasant to do. And that can be a struggle for me at the best of times, so I give thanks for just keeping on trying to keep on looking after myself extremely well, without wearing myself out.
I give thanks for finishing my jigsaw late last night, including grovelling around on the floor searching for, and finding, the missing piece. For the interesting blurb about how the man who took the photo came to do so, and how he collected the subject matter. For making myself a late great breakfast this morning of a batch of pancakes with lemon and sugar...and some little buns this evening to go in lunch boxes this week. For finishing unpicking the sleeve hems of an old dress I want to alter to wear for dialysis, and hooking the pieces of rag I cut for my rug - both planned for the Christmas break but abandoned when illness struck. I give thanks I didn't cut any more as my hand seized up at the end!
I also give thanks I didn't put up as many Christmas decorations as I originally intended...as this meant less to take down today, and the amount there was was quite arduous a task as it was.
Part of the cause is apparently the slow return of energy so that one is struggling to do what needs to be done, let alone what might be pleasant to do. And that can be a struggle for me at the best of times, so I give thanks for just keeping on trying to keep on looking after myself extremely well, without wearing myself out.
I give thanks for finishing my jigsaw late last night, including grovelling around on the floor searching for, and finding, the missing piece. For the interesting blurb about how the man who took the photo came to do so, and how he collected the subject matter. For making myself a late great breakfast this morning of a batch of pancakes with lemon and sugar...and some little buns this evening to go in lunch boxes this week. For finishing unpicking the sleeve hems of an old dress I want to alter to wear for dialysis, and hooking the pieces of rag I cut for my rug - both planned for the Christmas break but abandoned when illness struck. I give thanks I didn't cut any more as my hand seized up at the end!
I also give thanks I didn't put up as many Christmas decorations as I originally intended...as this meant less to take down today, and the amount there was was quite arduous a task as it was.
Saturday, 4 January 2020
Bleak
All I really want at the moment is food and rest, so I give thanks for trying to strike a balance between the two as it's an either or situation! For trying to play catch up with the washing up too as that just adds to the exhaustion and sense of futility..
I give thanks for beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel of dirty laundry, and for managing to get outdoors in daylight hours to my local Boots pharmacy. For lots of seats to rest on along the way, and for still having some left of the pills I went to pick up as they denied all knowledge of the prescription that the website shows as issued two weeks ago. For stopping off at the Co op afterwards for some of that lush cauliflower and lentil curry to supplement my currently feeble catering. For feeling pleased with myself for making the effort, though a bit shocked what an effort it was...
Feeling also rather bleak spirited I give thanks for watching programmes with lots of chilliness, including George Clarke's exasperatingly amazing Finnish spaces and a moving documentary about the last of the Greenland hunters who made a real igloo out of the increasingly rare right kind of snow. I'm grateful this might be the ideal mood for rewriting my will which was on the to do list for tomorrow, but I suspect I might be short of the right kind of will for that task the way that things are going just now.
I give thanks for beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel of dirty laundry, and for managing to get outdoors in daylight hours to my local Boots pharmacy. For lots of seats to rest on along the way, and for still having some left of the pills I went to pick up as they denied all knowledge of the prescription that the website shows as issued two weeks ago. For stopping off at the Co op afterwards for some of that lush cauliflower and lentil curry to supplement my currently feeble catering. For feeling pleased with myself for making the effort, though a bit shocked what an effort it was...
Feeling also rather bleak spirited I give thanks for watching programmes with lots of chilliness, including George Clarke's exasperatingly amazing Finnish spaces and a moving documentary about the last of the Greenland hunters who made a real igloo out of the increasingly rare right kind of snow. I'm grateful this might be the ideal mood for rewriting my will which was on the to do list for tomorrow, but I suspect I might be short of the right kind of will for that task the way that things are going just now.
Friday, 3 January 2020
Pie-eyed
Oh my, the pie! I give thanks that turned out well, and also that I managed not to eat it all last night so I have some left for tea today. For my weight loss levelling out, just need to start building myself up again. For a scone with jam and cream when I got home to help...
I give thanks I was looking at my phone when the pre-op assessment call came this morning some hours before expected, and before I'd turned its sound on. For (I most sincerely hope!) there being no need to talk to anyone at a hospital about anything for two whole days!
For the colour in the sky at hometime. For trying to focus on appreciating it instead of hating the radio! For being curled up on my sofa, as I am very weary this evening.
I give thanks I was looking at my phone when the pre-op assessment call came this morning some hours before expected, and before I'd turned its sound on. For (I most sincerely hope!) there being no need to talk to anyone at a hospital about anything for two whole days!
For the colour in the sky at hometime. For trying to focus on appreciating it instead of hating the radio! For being curled up on my sofa, as I am very weary this evening.
Thursday, 2 January 2020
True
I give thanks for getting a few more domestic jobs done while attending to the main task of the day - waiting for the oncologist to call to answer my queries about my treatment. I started waiting at nine and she called me a little before five so this was a big job, and it was really hard to settle to anything else much while it was going on! I give thanks for feeling if not reassured, at least resigned after our conversation... For remembering that when not dealing with unscheduled inconveniences like the flu, I must dedicate as much of my time as I possibly can to pleasing myself as much as can be.
I give thanks for the Tesco Click and Collect service, and for Julie collecting this evening what I had clicked on yesterday. My freezer is still full of all kinds of food that didn't get eaten but some fresh stuff and store cupboard items needed topping up. For keeping myself fed as best I can given low energy and a craving for easy ingredients I'm not supposed to indulge in. For actually chopping some veg for tea today - woohoo! And, as I found some scraps of pastry when rummaging in those freezer drawers, that said veg, plus some pieces of Quorn, might turn out to be a pie!
I give thanks for the Tesco Click and Collect service, and for Julie collecting this evening what I had clicked on yesterday. My freezer is still full of all kinds of food that didn't get eaten but some fresh stuff and store cupboard items needed topping up. For keeping myself fed as best I can given low energy and a craving for easy ingredients I'm not supposed to indulge in. For actually chopping some veg for tea today - woohoo! And, as I found some scraps of pastry when rummaging in those freezer drawers, that said veg, plus some pieces of Quorn, might turn out to be a pie!
Wednesday, 1 January 2020
Fictional
I give thanks for the midnight fireworks. Oh, I know they frighten animals and birds and people sometimes too, but I woke up wondering what time it was and I heard them and I knew! It was too late to get out of bed and try to watch, but there were loads so I'm grateful lots of other folk must have had the pleasure if they were so inclined. For remembering Happy New Years in times gone by when I was rather sad.
I give thanks for making inroads into unglamorous chores today - sorting out food gone bad, smelly sinks and laundry etc in manageable instalments. For lots of fiction in various forms in between because real life seems to be rather lacking in charm. For the wonders of social media - and windows - to show me actually it's carrying on quite pleasantly for other people. It's good to see all the places they go and the experiences they enjoy, and all that optimism.
I give thanks I'm not one for random resolutions on an arbitrary day - I think we should be resolving to be evolving as best we can as often as we re can remember. For reminding myself to stay in the present moment many times, and for opening the rest of my Christmas presents!
I give thanks for making inroads into unglamorous chores today - sorting out food gone bad, smelly sinks and laundry etc in manageable instalments. For lots of fiction in various forms in between because real life seems to be rather lacking in charm. For the wonders of social media - and windows - to show me actually it's carrying on quite pleasantly for other people. It's good to see all the places they go and the experiences they enjoy, and all that optimism.
I give thanks I'm not one for random resolutions on an arbitrary day - I think we should be resolving to be evolving as best we can as often as we re can remember. For reminding myself to stay in the present moment many times, and for opening the rest of my Christmas presents!
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