This evening I'm grateful for the energy and motivation to get everything out of the cupboard under the stairs and give it a clean and tidy. I like order, even in places normally out of sight, and though it would be lying to suggest I've 'ordered' everything in there, the space is reorganised and used more efficiently with things more often wanted closer to hand while a big rubbish sack of things no longer wanted has left with Laura for the charity shop!
I'm grateful also for finding some things I'd forgotten I had like a longer ethernet cable which has made life easier in the Sky TV/internet connection department! And that I've managed to get all the knock-on chaos under some control so I can have a spot of supper and relax in front of the TV. And that I spotted a mistake in my blanket construction before too much chaos broke out there!
And I'm particularly grateful for one of the GPs treating me like I'm perfectly capable of making medical decisions given relevant information, and giving me the relevant information to make one! This can be a rarity...even in relatively routine medical care. I appreciate it greatly!
Thursday, 4 August 2011
Refreshments
Today I'm grateful for the long long rain that started in the evening and carried on all night. Heavy drenching rain good for all the growing things that get so parched in the summer weather so many of us humans prefer. If only it would rain at night we say...and it did!
I'm grateful for a long long sleep and a lazy dozy morning in bed to follow and for rediscovering the book I'm reading which I have read before some years ago but forgotten the details of until I saw it in the hospice charity shop a week or two back. And the details are what makes it amazing. It's essentially a novel in that it's a made up story but the way of its telling is a joy for the deep observation yet light depiction of detail, the mindful celebration of the apparently mundane. I would not delude myself that I'm as talented a writer but there is a fragment of similarity here and there. We are of the same school though he has graduated with flying colours and I'm still on half days in the reception class but sometimes he mentions things that I have noted too and that's as refreshing as the rain when my out-of-school report card frequently mentions I must try harder to see things more 'normally'...if I'm not to be permanently suspended of course! The book's called 'if nobody speaks of remarkable things'...sums it up remarkably well!
I'm grateful for a long long sleep and a lazy dozy morning in bed to follow and for rediscovering the book I'm reading which I have read before some years ago but forgotten the details of until I saw it in the hospice charity shop a week or two back. And the details are what makes it amazing. It's essentially a novel in that it's a made up story but the way of its telling is a joy for the deep observation yet light depiction of detail, the mindful celebration of the apparently mundane. I would not delude myself that I'm as talented a writer but there is a fragment of similarity here and there. We are of the same school though he has graduated with flying colours and I'm still on half days in the reception class but sometimes he mentions things that I have noted too and that's as refreshing as the rain when my out-of-school report card frequently mentions I must try harder to see things more 'normally'...if I'm not to be permanently suspended of course! The book's called 'if nobody speaks of remarkable things'...sums it up remarkably well!
Wednesday, 3 August 2011
Through a glass wetly
I did get out eventually...and was grateful for a bus happening along not factored in my plans and making it quicker and easier to get to my destination - the beach on the other side of the river that you get through via a tunnel under the headland. The bus doesn't go throught the tunnel of course and there are a lot of steps down but a very different atmosphere from the other three beaches we have in a half mile radius. In fact they're all very different and nice to have so much choice...two on the river and two on the sea. Haven't been to this one for a while and I'd forgotten how busy it can get in the summer but also one of the reasons why ie. that it's such a suntrap and sheltered from many breezes especially at sand level. I remember the first time I went there there was quite a chilly and brisk wind blowing and I thought all the people lying there in their swimwear must be very hardy until I lay down too and wished I'd brought mine!
I'm also very grateful to Sony for creating such wonderful devices for keeping my ears happy and for Johann Ambrosius and Maria Elisabeth for creating their youngest musical son. And for his magnificent and moving double violin concertos. And Tamar Valley honeycombe ice cream. And the fragrance of the pinks I bought on the way home. And the sound through the open window of summer rain falling through leaves...
I'm also very grateful to Sony for creating such wonderful devices for keeping my ears happy and for Johann Ambrosius and Maria Elisabeth for creating their youngest musical son. And for his magnificent and moving double violin concertos. And Tamar Valley honeycombe ice cream. And the fragrance of the pinks I bought on the way home. And the sound through the open window of summer rain falling through leaves...
So far so fine
My slightly manic euphoria began to fade mid evening yesterday...I guess there's only a certain amount of gibbering you can do on your own and then, unless there's a realtime response or you wander further into cloud cuckoo land and begin imagining them you start to settle down again! Virtual responses still appreciated though!
I appreciated a pretty sunset sky of coral and mauve mackerel cloud bands on palest blue last night and making (and eating) some pancakes for a leisurely brunch just now ...so that's thankfulnesses one and two. It had been in my head to try and get out earlyish but it's been one of those morning's when you think 'Oh, I ought to do that first' and then doing 'that' you come across something else you might as well do while you're at it...and then having done those things you have to do something else eben if it's just put everything back where it came from! I'm grateful for the energy to get things done, and for a day so fine so far despite another iffy forecast that it's still murmuring 'When you're ready...I'm still here!' through the windows. And it's nice to have invitations murmured even when you're slow to respond!
I appreciated a pretty sunset sky of coral and mauve mackerel cloud bands on palest blue last night and making (and eating) some pancakes for a leisurely brunch just now ...so that's thankfulnesses one and two. It had been in my head to try and get out earlyish but it's been one of those morning's when you think 'Oh, I ought to do that first' and then doing 'that' you come across something else you might as well do while you're at it...and then having done those things you have to do something else eben if it's just put everything back where it came from! I'm grateful for the energy to get things done, and for a day so fine so far despite another iffy forecast that it's still murmuring 'When you're ready...I'm still here!' through the windows. And it's nice to have invitations murmured even when you're slow to respond!
Tuesday, 2 August 2011
Communal nature
Lots more little joys today...I hope you'll remember these happy postings when I'm being a whingey cow! I hope I do too come to that ha ha!
I was grateful that whilst waxing lyrical about endorphins the community nurse who arrived for my maintenance understood or at least created the impression he did! He is a tad Will Young like in looks and manner so the kind of young man you want to believe understands you but he also went beyond the call of duty or the thrall of looks and said all the team are astonished by how well I do without conventional treatments and all the patients who know of me want to know how? Smug bitch, I'll probably fall over my own head in a minute...it's so big it fills the room!
Anyway, I'm also delighted I managed to 'clutter surf' to the back of the space underneath the stairs (unusual feature in a flat but this is not a purpose built one!) and drag out the old camping mat right at the back left over from when an ex and I used to go...no not camping, sunbathing au naturel on a pebbly beach not far away where this allowed but rather uncomfy! I fancied lounging with a book outside but the ground is rock hard this time of year so that made it much more pleasant. It was one of those rare times when the whole terrace and environs were quiet. No blaring music from any of the flats, no barking dogs, or whining tools or children, no drumming from across the road. Times like that living here is pretty blissful. The communal gardens are just some grass and shrubs and trees but as old as the terrace itself so have had getting on for 150 years to mature and are now really small private park, one of the biggest private green spaces in town. And if you're there on you own it's all yours!
Actually I shared it briefly with a very friendly dainty grey whippet and its owner, and some nice people from next door and their dog with whom I've been on brief chat terms with for some years. And a young squirrel so mad for the young beech nuts at the top of the tallest tree that when it had finished the ones on the very slender bendy twig it was climbing along it dangled from its back legs to munch those on the one below. And a ladybird mysteriously taking the path of most resistance across the dry lawn climbing arduously up and down each still green and standing stem it found. I wondered if there was some benefit in this I did't understand...presumably not like me and tors for instance?..but then the next time I looked it was having a leisurely flat stroll across the upturned rubber and string sole of my discarded espadrille so it certainly didn't need to be on the grass. Hard not to lapse into anthropomorphism and see this as a beach given the previous analogy! And then it flew away before I thought to count its spots. Have you any idea how many sorts of ladybirds there are? Look it up...astonishing!
Now many are out and I am in and glad to be so, away from the happy sound of children playing havoc with my eardrums. Am feeling so mellow I might even do some ironing...famous last words?
I was grateful that whilst waxing lyrical about endorphins the community nurse who arrived for my maintenance understood or at least created the impression he did! He is a tad Will Young like in looks and manner so the kind of young man you want to believe understands you but he also went beyond the call of duty or the thrall of looks and said all the team are astonished by how well I do without conventional treatments and all the patients who know of me want to know how? Smug bitch, I'll probably fall over my own head in a minute...it's so big it fills the room!
Anyway, I'm also delighted I managed to 'clutter surf' to the back of the space underneath the stairs (unusual feature in a flat but this is not a purpose built one!) and drag out the old camping mat right at the back left over from when an ex and I used to go...no not camping, sunbathing au naturel on a pebbly beach not far away where this allowed but rather uncomfy! I fancied lounging with a book outside but the ground is rock hard this time of year so that made it much more pleasant. It was one of those rare times when the whole terrace and environs were quiet. No blaring music from any of the flats, no barking dogs, or whining tools or children, no drumming from across the road. Times like that living here is pretty blissful. The communal gardens are just some grass and shrubs and trees but as old as the terrace itself so have had getting on for 150 years to mature and are now really small private park, one of the biggest private green spaces in town. And if you're there on you own it's all yours!
Actually I shared it briefly with a very friendly dainty grey whippet and its owner, and some nice people from next door and their dog with whom I've been on brief chat terms with for some years. And a young squirrel so mad for the young beech nuts at the top of the tallest tree that when it had finished the ones on the very slender bendy twig it was climbing along it dangled from its back legs to munch those on the one below. And a ladybird mysteriously taking the path of most resistance across the dry lawn climbing arduously up and down each still green and standing stem it found. I wondered if there was some benefit in this I did't understand...presumably not like me and tors for instance?..but then the next time I looked it was having a leisurely flat stroll across the upturned rubber and string sole of my discarded espadrille so it certainly didn't need to be on the grass. Hard not to lapse into anthropomorphism and see this as a beach given the previous analogy! And then it flew away before I thought to count its spots. Have you any idea how many sorts of ladybirds there are? Look it up...astonishing!
Now many are out and I am in and glad to be so, away from the happy sound of children playing havoc with my eardrums. Am feeling so mellow I might even do some ironing...famous last words?
Next step
My first gratitude of the day is for the fact that I feel fine after yesterday's exertions. I've an idea some people might think I'd be 'paying for that' today but actually I'm collecting interest on my investment of energy ha ha! Feeling a bit tired yes, but brighter in spirits and kind of limber and fit like I used to after a day's healthy exercise in the 'old days'. It's relative, I know...but endorphin releasing activity feels very different from the drudgery of the other sorts in the anticipation, the execution and the aftermath.
On Sunday I got a bit of a kick out of doing something I had to do...but it felt like hard work. Yesterday, as has happened every time I've been up to Dartmoor since my illness, I've arrived feeling not so brilliant, not up to much...I've got out of the car thinking it'd be nice just to sniff the air, maybe take a few steps across the grass just to remember what it's like...and then when I do, and get a scent of the great outdoors I think...well maybe just a little bit further...just to that rock or that tree...and then the next thing you know I'm half way up to a Tor and just have to keep going til I get to the top. Things hurt less, tire less, actually begin to feel gooood! And even if ultimately one day I really do overdo it I'd rather the last straw that breaks my connection with this world be pushing myself to walk on Dartmoor not pushing an iron across a pile of laundry!
Of course having some amenable company enhances the experience, and without an amenable enabler none of the above would be possible. I don't think I'd feel confident to try striding off on my own any more and it probably wouldn't be wise. What a shame it's such a rarity to find someone who thinks it's worth sharing a few hours of their time and a tank of fuel although I can see the less often it happens the more tedious it must be having me exclaim in delight and wonder at every other step! I'm grateful for my delight and wonder too though!
On Sunday I got a bit of a kick out of doing something I had to do...but it felt like hard work. Yesterday, as has happened every time I've been up to Dartmoor since my illness, I've arrived feeling not so brilliant, not up to much...I've got out of the car thinking it'd be nice just to sniff the air, maybe take a few steps across the grass just to remember what it's like...and then when I do, and get a scent of the great outdoors I think...well maybe just a little bit further...just to that rock or that tree...and then the next thing you know I'm half way up to a Tor and just have to keep going til I get to the top. Things hurt less, tire less, actually begin to feel gooood! And even if ultimately one day I really do overdo it I'd rather the last straw that breaks my connection with this world be pushing myself to walk on Dartmoor not pushing an iron across a pile of laundry!
Of course having some amenable company enhances the experience, and without an amenable enabler none of the above would be possible. I don't think I'd feel confident to try striding off on my own any more and it probably wouldn't be wise. What a shame it's such a rarity to find someone who thinks it's worth sharing a few hours of their time and a tank of fuel although I can see the less often it happens the more tedious it must be having me exclaim in delight and wonder at every other step! I'm grateful for my delight and wonder too though!
Monday, 1 August 2011
Small wonder
Mmmmm...I've been out! Real out. Out where you can only see wood and stone and water, grass and leaves and sky...until you look more closely and see the details...the tiny flowers, the one leaf trees, fronds of fern like miniature fractals, frogs that would fit on your fingernail.
It didn't look the best day to be heading up to the moor but the misty moisty weather gave us the chance to marvel at these special sights we might not have noticed otherwise. There were things we would not have seen at all if the sun had been out like the spiders' webs draped across the gorse frosted with a myriad of miniscule water beads, some smaller than a pin head...so small it was hard to conceive that they were spheres at all. The most beautiful of all that we saw was hard to identify at first...little clumps of pink sparkle scattered along the green pathway. They turned out to be a low grass with pinkish seedhead sprays each individual seed in its own magnifying crystal ball of cloud drop. Like exquisite costume jewelry made with handblown marbles from fairyland.
Then the mist cleared and there were views for miles to slopes and tors we could not name, a tawny calf lowing in the bracken on its own, a hawthorn slender and graceful as a solo dancing girl, a vintage roadsign saying somewhere was a fifth of a mile away, a picnic, a still filled quarry with pink and yellow lilies floating and a late legging tadpole legging it out of view and a carpark toilet with wonderfully pattered wood grained doors and a hand dryer that made the maddest range of sounds.
Out is great! Five hours of gratitude and a heart full of memories. Thank you Laura for taking me and the universe for laying on so many miracles for us to enjoy while we were there!
It didn't look the best day to be heading up to the moor but the misty moisty weather gave us the chance to marvel at these special sights we might not have noticed otherwise. There were things we would not have seen at all if the sun had been out like the spiders' webs draped across the gorse frosted with a myriad of miniscule water beads, some smaller than a pin head...so small it was hard to conceive that they were spheres at all. The most beautiful of all that we saw was hard to identify at first...little clumps of pink sparkle scattered along the green pathway. They turned out to be a low grass with pinkish seedhead sprays each individual seed in its own magnifying crystal ball of cloud drop. Like exquisite costume jewelry made with handblown marbles from fairyland.
Then the mist cleared and there were views for miles to slopes and tors we could not name, a tawny calf lowing in the bracken on its own, a hawthorn slender and graceful as a solo dancing girl, a vintage roadsign saying somewhere was a fifth of a mile away, a picnic, a still filled quarry with pink and yellow lilies floating and a late legging tadpole legging it out of view and a carpark toilet with wonderfully pattered wood grained doors and a hand dryer that made the maddest range of sounds.
Out is great! Five hours of gratitude and a heart full of memories. Thank you Laura for taking me and the universe for laying on so many miracles for us to enjoy while we were there!
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