Don't worry!

Don't worry, I'm here! blood test scare sent me off into a panic this morning and then that panned out into a greater resolve to have a bit less carping on and a bit more carpe diem...which means a lot of this evening has been spent seizing on ideas for things to do and going round in circles on the internet trying to work out how to make them happen without loads of dosh/a set of wheels/a travelling companion/a better functioning body. I give thanks to Mima for agreeing in principle to do a bit more day seizing with me, although bless her she already bears a heavy load of accommodating my wishes and accompanying me.

I give thanks for her meeting me on the beach this afternoon as I'd hoped she might be up for chivvying me into taking a dip as the water was a tad nippier than I was keen on and, though my body image has improved in the last few months, I still get self conscious on my own. I was grateful for adopting my policy for sunny days this summer ie to wear swimwear instead of underwear 'just in case' and for finding a not too crowded space on the sand...and eventually for chivvying myself and going in alone anyway! Another little milestone in trying to remake a life...

I give thanks for the prettiest blue of the sea, a cup of tea with a lovely view of it...for the bus I was going to miss being late so I caught it. I give thanks for continuing to feel unreasonably well and energetic, and for the lack of viewers for my flat meaning I don't have to squander this in lots of tidying and cleaning...

I give thanks for some good news at last from and for Bob. It's great that he has inherited my wit and wisdom but I do worry sometimes he might have picked up the gene for attracting misfortune, the better to be witty and wise about it as well! It's so good to think about people being happy, isn't it, especially those we care about...to imagine them enjoying the joy they're feeling? But it can also make you sad to feel their pain when they're unhappy or hurting instead... I give thanks for understanding it's mostly not actions or circumstances that cause the distress, but just the distressed person's brain...but it doesn't always help.

I give thanks for discovering you can download magazines from your local library. My first reaction on finding this out was 'But I don't read magazines...' but they have New Scientist and National Geographic too so I really am grateful to be able to access these publications I tend to think of as luxury items for free!