Water break

I was scared of being scared last night... when I'd finished pretending everything was all right, made tea and watched TV, read in the bath and gone to bed...scared when I put down the book and turned out the light that all the tears and fears would come. So I give thanks that's when the wonderful storm broke here, and I could open the curtains and watch the show and do my crying in the rain so to speak. In fact the thunder and lightning were so spectacular they made me laugh out loud as well...and I could drift off to sleep as they drifted away.

I give thanks so many people think I'm strong, that I plod along just fine with all the stuff I have to deal with they'd dread to have for themselves. It's easier for them that way, and in a way I guess it's easier for me too not having to worry about them worrying about me, or worry that they'd feel they ought to try to help somehow. I'd rather be a nought than an ought in others' lives...

I give thanks my original plan for today had been to go and out and do a lot of moving in a positive direction, not staying home miserably waiting for frightening phone calls (I'm supposed to keep my blood pressure low...have they no idea what they're doing to me?) I give thanks for giving in to a little breakdown instead lying on the sofa with soggy tissues, some silly TV movie to try to focus on...and then...once I heard the new appointment is four weeks away so I could relax a little again for a while...some warm egg mayo on ryvita (yum!)

I give thanks for today's mystery miracle which was - no water in the leak buckets! Where did all that storm rain that fell from the sky to the earth go??? For Julie agreeing to join me trying out something I've always wanted to do one afternoon next week. Best strike while the iron's high, I reckon (see, the dark humour is back) It's water related and somewhat outside my comfort zone. I give great thanks for that!