World peace

I give thanks for giving myself some respite from the world. All those years of yearning to be welcomed in I never realised how restful it can be just to let go and let it all go on without wishing it wasn't going on without me.

I give thanks for switching off the silent phone, clambering out of that sticky tangled web. I give thanks for all the folk who feel connected and who aren't kidding themselves. Well, even if they are kidding themselves I guess, as long as they don't find out!

I give thanks for headphones and earplugs as my surrendered isolation takes place of course in the midst of an omnipresent usually audible crowd. For trying to find the piece of me inside that's peaceful.

I give thanks for all the colours I've seen in the sea, on the cgi in Life of Pi and from my windows here. For getting a little bit closer until sciatica pain drove me back, plus a sense I'm just too fragile to be out at the moment, like I'm missing an invisible shield and it shows. I can't believe it's hurting as much as it is once more...I thought all that was history now. Feeling, admittedly irrationally, rather cheated and mistreated that it's not, I'm also understandably fearful it might hurt a lot more yet.

I give thanks for the fabric on a pillow case I have. I could stare for hours at the repeating patterns and imperfections, the relationships between the shapes and shades...and sometimes it seems like I do! I give thanks sometimes it seems as if I stare at the patterns and imperfections of life long enough I might give thanks for that too. In the meantime, as it's gone quiet...quite tempting just to go back to the safe place of sleep...