Pulling the rug out

I give thanks for remembering when I feel that I simply cannot deal with something on my own, that it is just a feeling and I can and I will because there's actually no other option. Haha...and I give thanks for just writing that and hearing Rachel isn't coming tonight, just when I was almost relying on some comforting conversation and a soothing restorative treatment to set me up for the appointment tomorrow morning I'm dreading so much. See, now if I hadn't just been reminding myself how tough and independent I am, I might have been disappointed... Oh, and actually, as I'd planned to make one of my favourite meals and have been looking forward to it for hours I can give thanks I can have it early too!

Of course we're all on our own really, we're all all we've got, but I give thanks for everyone for whom it doesn't seem like that, who feel as if there's at least someone on their side, at least some of their lives anyway.

I give thanks for keeping telling myself most doctors most of the time don't mean most patients harm, and some of them some of the time don't mean to be intimidating and/or patronising either... I give thanks I even understand statistically and psychologically they are more likely to act that way when the patient is very obviously very much on their own - even if they themselves aren't aware of this! Sometimes it's easier for them to remember you're a real person, not just a bundle of notes and bodily functions, when they see another person treating you as real I guess...

Meanwhile I give thanks for bustling about with domestic chores, including taking the recycling out to freshly emptied bins, enjoying the mild sunshine and wondering whether to go out further for a while before it suddenly started raining again so curling up on the sofa under a cuddly rug to watch subtitled TV and snivel instead. I don't know whether to be grateful someone's removed all the carpet from the communal stairs and landings or not. It could be the sign some long overdue refurbishment may be about to start, or it could be some kind of punishment for suggesting it ought to. Living here it's hard to be sure of anyone's intentions...