Haven't a clue

I give thanks for continuing to feel really quite remarkably well. I should probably be grateful I'd still be capable of good times, if opportunities were still to be had... But I'm also grateful they are thin on the ground now as my state of mind remains pretty poor.

I give thanks I've been less tearful the last couple of days, becoming more numb, but I can't imagine maintaining cheerful for more than the odd minute or two. I give thanks for those moments... Like when I was watching storm clouds hurtling towards us and then the most tempestuous shower with sideways trees and rain. And then some rumbling thunder. I give thanks I get so much pleasure from weather - it's free and it's always there.

I give thanks for using my energy cooking nice things for myself...and cleaning up, plus knitting, sewing and crochet, sorting out laundry and stuff for the charity shop, with shiatsu and yoga in between when there's room - sorting out being a messy business.

I give thanks for everyone not giving me advice about what I should feel or do. This is most appreciated as I'm sorry you haven't a clue! If you're there somewhere and care, cups of tea are welcome (but with cake not sympathy in case I start crying again), or trips to nice places to make up for the fact that soon I'll be spending half my days making trips to the hospital...unless I can sell my flat and find somewhere to live where I could have treatment at home instead. Or just feel at home in between.

I give thanks for finding a couple of books I'd like to read, one at a bargain price on ebay and one at the library. I give thanks the latter would like a couple of crosswords again...though unfortunately my puzzle brain doesn't seem to be working at the moment and I haven't a clue either!