Out, of sorts

I give thanks for not being woken up by pain. Always a joy...but human mood being the capricious condition it is that didn't mean I woke up joyful but disgruntled and dissatisfied instead. Of course once you realise you feel this way all kinds of occurrences can be called causes or contributions - including the state of mind itself if you're someone who strives for equanimity or positivity - but it just is, it's not doing anything to you.

In days of yore if possible I'd have taken a hike to get a bit of space around my body and in my head and let thoughts come and go as unfettered as possible by things, but it would take a half a day's organising to work out a way to get to a place from which I could get far from anything now and in half a day the pain and fatigue could be back so I was grateful I could go for a long slow stroll without my knees complaining anyhow. I'm grateful for lots of seats and steps to rest on. I'm grateful I wore a vest top to get some sun on my skin...and a fleece for when the clouds concealed it as there was a nippy old breeze out there. I'm grateful for the blue of the sea and the smoothness of sand it's just washed over. I'm grateful for all the grains reminding me of all the people there are and have been in the world striving and trying and planning and hoping and coping, or otherwise, and ultimately how inconsequential and ephemeral it all is.

I give thanks for the light in a puddle the waves had left behind...

I give thanks that though I felt no more cheerful on my return I was too tired to stay awake and think about it...

I give thanks for accepting that sometimes what we have to be accepting of is having difficulty with acceptance!