I give thanks for the sun on my face, and the sand beneath my soles. For the stormy weather bringing the beach closer so I didn't have to go so far. For managing mostly to nod and smile and impersonate the person so many people like to think I am... except to Mima who I bumped into and I hope understood me being honest was an honour...and the deli man who unfortunately for him has a shop at the end of the hobble trail and sees me at my lowest pain wracked ebb. He acted as if he cared, which of course I know he didn't, but I'm so used to people acting as if they don't, and acting as if I don't that they don't in return, that I could feel my brave mask slip and my lip start to tremble. I gave thanks there was a cab on the rank and I could stagger across the road as swiftly as possible and get home to let the tears out. I should probably give thanks I don't have people to hug me and stuff when things are bad...I'm not sure I'd ever stop!
This afternoon I lay on the sofa struggling to think of something else to be grateful for...and then I remembered to be grateful I could lie on the sofa! It does my head in but it's more physically comfortable than moving around...and if you don't move around you need less food, and if you've been to the deli you can nibble things out of brown paper bags... It's hard to keep warm though, so you have to get up and get hot drinks, but when you do you can go to the loo and thus existence can be maintained. It is merely existence, however...as for 'life'? A Douglas Adams character springs to mind...
https://www.wattpad.com/208171648-quotes-marvin-the-paranoid-android~
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