I give thanks neither nice lying man nor not so nice tell it straight(er) woman rang in the end - it gave me a full two and a half hours to sit about feeling sorry for myself! For the clearly much needed practice in handling disappointment... I'm OK with not being able to have what I want if it's clear I can't from the beginning...it's when I'm told I can and then find out I can't I struggle. Unresolved childhood trust issues I'm sure...if you had my childhood you'd understand, trust me! I give thanks I still have faith and belief in people and systems even if it's sometimes misplaced and takes a while to build up again after a blow.
I give thanks for my bath water and duvet giving me much needed hug substitutes. For the sweet talk of the biscuit tin, earplugs to turn down the neighbours, a novel to turn down my head.
For finally getting moving late this morning, sorting out laundry and household chores, composing one more plea to the council to empty the recycling bins, one more request to BT for I'm not quite sure what - divine intervention? - before pain levels and snooze control meant I had to go back to bed for the afternoon. I give thanks prescriptions needing picking up in town weren't urgently required...and not being able to make it to a support group for people with long term health conditions is probably what Alanis said too.
I'm still giving thanks for my happy happy hours going on the water and sitting on the beach yesterday despite the pain and fatigue. When you're poor, sick, lame and not precious to anyone making sure you get access to pleasure is always going to be a struggle. That's just a fact of life...and if you want one that's what you have to do. I have to confess, though, I do deeply resent all aches and exhaustion caused by extra cleaning for people who say they want to come and see my flat and then don't. Especially vacuuming - sciatica and suction machines are best kept far apart and getting me use one when I don't need to seems unecessarily unkind to me!
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