What could be better?

I give thanks to the poor receptionist at the surgery who rang me today with a voice that suggested she'd been told to wear a black cloth on her head. She probably thought my renal function is affecting my brain when I responded to the news that it 'wasn't any better' with great delight...no better is much better than worse, you see!

I cannot begin to express the horror with which I face the prospect of dialysis. Or rather I could begin...but would like to stop right there because if there's one thing I've learnt over the last few years is the futility of sharing your woes and fears - most people go la la I'm only pretending to listen so we can get back to talking about me, and the ones who really do pay attention and try to empathise just get sad. I'm grateful I've also learnt the less you have folk in your life who care about you the less you have to care about how much they do, how much they're suffering when you do...

Nonetheless, I'm grateful for understanding the shadowing of dread hanging over me at the moment combined with the niggling issues I like to refer to as 'background stresses' but which tend to leap into the focus on a fairly regular basis have probably contributed to a day of pretty much everything I've turned my hand to taking a very long time to get right...Much gratitude that I finally managed to find the BBC Red Button channels where they hide them on Sky (nowhere near any red buttons) to have more choice of tennis matches and to get my camera to connect to my new tablet via a little adapter from my favourite online shop.

I give thanks that I've also managed to finish some little sewing projects as a little 'finished business' is always good. It's probably no coincidence they relate to feeling extra secure but with room to move about - elastic on some ballet pumps to make them stay on my feet, and scrunchies to hold up my hair.

I'm grateful to the Cambridge Buddhist Centre for today's 'thought for the day' from Socrates: He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.