Presents of mind

I give thanks to Liz for my animated advent calendar...a bit of twinkle in the darkness of December.

I give thanks for going to bed early and falling asleep with the light on and a book in my hand...and then sleeping properly in the dark until the early hours when some non-physical pain required my attention. I give thanks for tea and biscuits and tears and sympathy and encouragement. For loving and understanding respecting myself so much. It's a tough job, but you know what they say about tough jobs!  I give thanks for falling asleep with my book again (sometimes it's just nice to have something to hold on to!) and waking late to watch the sun turn the grey fog pale gold and finally melt it...

For a woman who loves too much, and loves to give and to share but is aware how peripheral she is in other people's lives, steering a safe passage through the seasonal etiquettes and emotions is, as is everything, a matter of a bright smile and lots of blinking, and gratitude, gritted teeth and looking the other way. So, though I regret the impact on the environment, I thus give thanks for finding some pretty not particularly Christmassy cards to send to the small group of people who might appreciate receiving one from me, and that they're large enough to slip a token gift inside for those I particularly appreciate but for whom a grander gesture might be an unwelcome embarrassment.

I give thanks for cabbing to town and back again, to visit some essential places - the cobbler's, the chemist, the Post Office, the health food shop, the doctor's and the sea! That walking about really is getting easier...though slopes and stairs are still hard, and sitting down for a minute or two between each group of steps, level or otherwise, is important to keep down the pain. Today was the first time I've made it to the seafront, and whenever I've been incarcerated and with a sentence hanging over me that's always a big moment of gratitude for my astonishing resilience and strength, and wisdom in giving myself the gift of living somewhere so good for me. Opening the letter from the renal team sitting there in the sunshine and reading yes, I am getting a little better again and my suggestions are being followed for how to proceed now the improvement I predicted has occurred , was like a great big bow on it!  Didn't take my camera (still trying to keep the carrying weight to a minimum) but my phone can show I was there!