Guilty

Would you believe last night I caught myself not only feeling pathetic for being unable to raid the convenience store across the road, but guilty for not supporting the new farm shop a little higher up the street as well. Though I'm convinced it contributes to keeping me alive, I give thanks for realising I am perhaps a tad harder on myself than I need to be now and then. For letting myself off the hook and booking a handy Sainsbury's slot for later. I'll not be doing any proper cooking for a little while anyway - who am I trying to kid? For garlic bread and hummus from the freezer for an easy tea last night, with organic apples that last forever in the fridge and fresh lettuce and spring onions from my spare room garden. Oh and a bit of an appetite! For seeing the sea and sky and the pretty mackerel clouds, for a bath and lounging around in a clean nightie with no need for modesty.

I give thanks though getting to and through dialysis today seemed almost unbearably hard, it can't have been as I did it! And it sure was more therapeutic to be at the little unit where I know them and they know me, than at the mercy of the main hospital machine. For a nice easy going nurse who has had some health problems herself lately so we understood each other well. For my bloods tested and meds taken, and just some phone triage tomorrow which hopefully will show home treatment can continue, because I really do need to treat myself to a day of rest.