Rich

Last night Jan sent me a photo of some honeysuckle and said what a shame I couldn't smell it, but I realised I could in my memory and imagination, likewise the clovey scent of pinks and burying my nose in the heart of a full blown velvet petalled rose. Tamsin had mentioned having nice cake so I then applied similar principles to reliving the taste and texture of particular favourites I recall. I give thanks for my mind's various sensory organs and the pleasurable experiences they help me repeat.

I give thanks for making it through the day, arduous mentally rather than physically I'm grateful to say. And for feeling better though still not well enough to blag going home. The main reason I have to stay is to receive a twenty minute infusion of steroids every day which seems excessively harsh when the weather is gorgeous and my bed is peaceful and quiet, and there's clean knickers, more books and other joys to be had at home but I realise I'm absurdly blessed to be in a position to feel this is harsh when others around me are so poorly. Mind you they have families who would collect necessaries or ferry them to and fro to have the meds as an outpatient so, you know, it's swings and roundabouts in a way. 

I give thanks for more of an appetite. I'm on the 'High Energy' diet and the menu offerings tend to be a little richer flavoured. Speaking as a bit of vegetable crumble expert (I only have to feed myself so I'm the only judge!) even their version wasn't half bad...sixty five percent good maybe!

I'd promised myself if I wasn't free to go home I'd go out and enjoy some fresh air after dialysis today, but I had to wait for a review and game plan from the doc and as she kept being called away to more urgent cases by the time that was done it was nearly time for tea. Never mind I give thanks I was so overdressed for the heat (yes even I thought it was hot!) a few minutes was probably enough. For the blue sky and the green of trees and no beeping machines and other bleeping people! I am truly filled with compassion for their troubles and pain but I deal with my own so much better with peacefulness and personal space. Oh well...