The big issue

I'm grateful I bought a Big Issue yesterday. I didn't realise how much until I was lying in the bath reading it, grateful that I had something instead of a library book - I'm grateful for those but always scared of dropping them in the water! The editorial was about the loneliness and social isolation in particular of elderly widowers but emphasising (in a red highlight of mild horror) that many people had no one to speak to from one end of the day to another and we should try to spare a word. In a few paragraphs the piece tried to capture the feeling of no one being there to share anything with... physically, emotionally, verbally, any way at all really other than by chance proximity because you're on the bus or in a shop or waiting room at the same time. I wondered if anyone got it who hadn't done before, possibly not but I'm grateful the writer tried.

Knowing exactly what it's like to be in this situation and how hard it is to convey to others how hard it is without them backing away in mild horror of their own. 'Oh my God, they're lonely! They might want me to spend time with them...but I'm busy with my family and friends and work and love and life. All these places to go and people to see that are much more important to me. Can't someone else do it?' etc etc It can be very unhealthy to have limited interactions with others, especially if most of them are like that.. including for the poor 'busy' folk scrambling to get back to their cosy niche aware on some level they've made a judgement that doesn't serve them well.

I'm grateful I've realised you have to make the love start with you if little comes to you, by grasping any opportunities for kindness and thoughtfulness you can. You don't have to be fit and well and rich (though it helps!) and it helps you more if there's some kind of one to one contact involved. If you're a lonely old man maybe join all the elderly ladies in the charity shops and Leagues of Fiends (I'm sure they'd love it!) and if you can't get out much you could sponsor an endangered animal or child, or become a penfriend (like I did after reading the Human Writes advert in a Big Issue)... Or just buy a copy now and then. Home alone seems tough? Think how no home and alone would be... Bet the lady featured who went from mortgage broker to homeless in three months after her firm went into administration hadn't...

There's a section in each issue where people sing the praises of their local vendors, telling how they 'make someone's day', but the one in town yesterday clearly wasn't having a good one himself. He had his eyes shut and and was swaying slightly and everyone was either rushing past not seeing him or pretending they hadn't or staring or commenting unkindly. I can't rush much but I did pass by and then stopped and reminded myself I could do better than that and went back and stood in front of him and simply said 'Are you OK, mate?' And he opened his eyes and explained he was cold and hadn't been sleeping well and had a lot going on at the moment. Heaven knows I'm a rubbish listener and certainly no saint - I didn't march him off to a cafe and buy him lunch - but he said I was the first person who'd stopped and I reckon one person spending one minute treating someone else like another member of the human race is a whole lot better than none. And by buying the magazine at least he had the money for a cuppa if that's what he chose to spend it on...

Anyway, I give thanks for being thanked for saying something (deservedly) complementary eighteen months ago and for the chance to revisit what I gave thanks for then. I give thanks for thinking if I wrote this before I went on the bus to acupuncture it would save a lot of effort later...especially as I thus missed the bus and, though I'm extremely grateful Rachel can fit me in this evening, it will certainly be too much of an effort that. I am extremely grateful that (allegedly) the council have decided not to close the bridge tonight which should cut a chunk off the journey...and I'm open to the fact the universe may have another timetable in mind altogether!