Seventy-six

I'm sure the weather forecast I saw last night said it would be bright and mild today but I give thanks, though clearly a lot more so than yesterday, it's been cool and cloudy enough for me not to feel I'm missing out not going out. Of course I was missing out on a few things I'd like from the shops but hey ho, I give thanks I'd enough in the cupboards to keep me going until I managed to get bathed, dressed and fed enough to make it to the health food shop just before it shut at 4pm. I think I really should have gone around the back as I sure wasn't a good advert for their wares! Afterwards I should have dome some more preparation for Kate filling in my PIP form on Monday but I was just too tired to think straight! I'm grateful I could appreciate the irony but it doesn't get the work done.

This last week has made it very clear that, where kidney failure is concerned, the main source of my exhaustion is the treatment not the disease. Sure other things I have the matter with me cause pain and difficulty and sleepless nights but I go into the dialysis unit bright as a rather old scarred button and come out like a smear on the pavement, and since it is supposed to preserve life the impairment of life quality takes some getting your head around. One of the wonderful things about my little trip away with Jan however was that while looking at all the non-rock related things in the shops my crafting mojo came back! The last six months or so have been about survival and creativity hasn't stood a chance, so I give great thanks for this. I really need to feel some motivation and purpose in the coming months, and I've started on a little crochet project that came into my head, and give thanks for the magical mystery of inspiration. The patterns come out of my head so I don't have to concentrate on instructions and can rely on hand memory not brain memory to twiddle the hook... though I also give thanks my brain remembered to tell my hands to stop before they went into cramp spasms.