Wednesday, 30 May 2018

Amazing grace

I give thanks for my Buddhist tendencies...or maybe it's my interest in quantum physics...whatever helps me go 'Whatever - none of this is really real!' I give thanks for the parts of the illusion that result in pleasure, and for the comprehension that preference for pleasure can result in pain!

I give thanks for another patient hour or two attempting to access a chunk of pension fund to pay off a chunk of mortgage so that whatever transpires regarding selling and buying property a chunk of roof stays over my head...

Great aches notwithstanding, I give thanks for deciding on the (maybe) conclusion of this epic procedure to hobble about in the chill drizzle awhile. For wanting to buy Julie a slice of vegan cake...which of course meant buying myself a sweet treat too!

I give thanks for many years without a Capability for Work Assessment and for dealing with the horror of receiving one now. Just the horror, mind, not the form as yet, let alone the dreaded face-to-face meeting...

There are times, here and there, when I am remarkably capable of some kinds of functioning, but not on demand...and even contemplating the demands of being sent out to seek a job when I can't guarantee even getting to the front door is exhausting. I give thanks for discovering receiving regular haemodialysis automatically renders your capability as 'limited' in their black and white point scoring this unexpected jolt, coming just before tomorrow's expected discussion re a date to start treatment, highlights the subjective nature of 'good' and 'bad' news. What will be will always be...until it becomes something else!

I give thanks for finding and sharing humour with those I encounterd as I went about my business. Even if you don't seem to have much to offer to others, at least you can hope to help them smile...

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