Systematic

I give thanks people think I'm always positive. It isn't true of course, but it's a nice thing to believe in like the tooth fairy and unicorns. For a lot of today I've been inconsolably miserable and in between the gloom have been struggling to find five cheerful things to say. I'm grateful to be home, that's certainly one...and though for various reasons I failed to prepare a welcoming nourishing meal in advance, I give thanks I usually do. 

I give thanks for checking with the unit it was OK to bring cakes in to share, and doing so, as I thought we could all do with some cheering up. Unfortunately the rules changed yesterday so no good came of it, and I was already feeling disappointed when the next thing I learned was that the patient centred plan I'd been talked through for my surgery next week has been changed to something that suits everyone else much better. This reduced me to tears at the thought of how vulnerable I'm going to feel, but eventually I gave thanks for the reminder that the system doesn't care about me, beyond that don't become a never event and mess up their statistics.

I give thanks for having a regular driver so I didn't have to worry about what there'd be to deal with on the way back. For being indoors on a wet and windy night. For being able to take my brave face off and properly cry...

For a long life cherry and vanilla croissant to munch while I work out what to have for supper (my personal system having been expecting cake ever since the Tesco man delivered them) and a hot water bottle to cuddle as I sure do need a hug. Most of all I give thanks for my commitment to the practice of trying to be be grateful come what may.