Important

It's thirteen years ago I was finally formally diagnosed with cancer...so a host of memories and emotions today. Always I think of the people I knew who were well when I started my journey, or healthier than I was any rate, but took sick and died along the way. They were so loved and precious and important to their partners and families and I've often wished I could have said I'd go instead. I give thanks for remembering everyone is important in their own way, even if it doesn't show. 

The other thing that invariably happens on this anniversary is I want to feel fussed over, and cared for and nurtured...or, as that is rarely possible, to do something a bit special for myself. Dialysis days are not bursting with opportunities for this kind of thing so I give thanks when I woke up too early as is the norm on my meds, I got up and made myself pineapple and ginger pudding for breakfast...and tea... though I will have something else sensible as well of course. Also for signing up for that one week extra of Prime for 99p they keep offering me so I can watch replays of the closing US Open matches, which due to the time difference I wouldn't watch live anyway. For a fine excuse to avoid the news which I've paid far too much attention to the last eighteen months.

I've not felt like talking (or listening!) to anyone so I give thanks for mostly managing to avoid it, but for having a couple of moments of true communication with members of staff to remind me I'm not just a pile of electronic notes and a failing body. One of them touched my arm gently when she realised she'd touched a (metaphoric) nerve asking about my cancer treatment...and another, from the Philippines, astonished me by explaining how many of them envy Europeans' height, prominent noses and different coloured eyes and hair. This jolted me out of my gloomy mood a little as I know I'm not the only one who wishes I had their dainty beauty, dusky skin and resistance to signs of age. It's important not to lose sight of completely at odds different perspectives can be.