Flat of the rising sun

I'm grateful for being kept awake by the sound of Enya from 5 am. This is a 'relativity' gratitude...there are worse ways/worse times! And it meant I got to see the dawn break in white cloud over white sea...quite Enya-esque actually! I'm grateful I've done the sensible thing and remade the sofa bed in case I want an option tonight...

I'm grateful for finishing the piece I was writing for a competition. I know it's finished because they just extended the deadline (which was today) and I didn't think...ooh great - I can make it better! I have issues with competitions, but like a lot of things in life with limitations and benefits as long as you can understand which bits seem like which to you, it's a start. The main limitation of competitions in general, as far as I can see, is that someone wins and they end. Up until then, all the striving and trying, the focus and fun can be great stuff...as long as all involved think that it's fun too of course. In the case of this particular writing competition, I heard about it when I was in the doldrums a couple of weeks ago and felt capable of meeting the requirements, and even slightly motivated...despite the fact that I spent a couple of days still doldrumming uninspired! And now it's done and it feels good but, although some of you might not understand, I don't care what happens next. Unless it's a piece of coursework for which the marks count to a qualification, or a commission for which you might not get paid, creativity doesn't work that way I find, it's not intrinsically attention or approval seeking. It's about getting something out not in!

I was grateful to click on the pay and send buttons and then see this on the Positive News site which touched  on some themes I've been reading, writing and thinking about lately. If it's not your 'cup of tea' just stick with the idea from the title of 'sharing understandings'. Imagine the world of the mind as a big buffet party where everyone can choose whatever they'd like to put on their plate in any quantity and combination. Other people's choices might not be to your taste but as long as they're not forcing them down anyone else's throat that's OK! http://positivenews.org.uk/2013/culture/10865/top-visionaries-share-understandings-world-london-tedx-event/

Or how about this piece with words and images about the work of street photographer Joel Meyerowitz?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/in-pictures-21188741

Or some words, images and music from my cousin Simon?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sbc9sdHEDk&feature=youtu.be

Or this about St Mungo's Recovery College. Check out the course list on their website...including 'Drumming without drums' and 'Thinking about thinking'! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-21236680

All the above brought me some pleasure in their own way already today...I trust you're finding some pleasure in your way in yours...

Going with the grain

Thank you to Ann for sharing her own gratitudes. I LOVE it when people do that!

I loved it on Undateables too when the autistic chap who had VERY strong opinions, especially on music that wasn't thrash metal, took a extended pause after his first date ever said they liked Peter Andre. The nation waited (and the anxious girl!) while he mulled over all the advice that he'd received about accepting difference. Finally he responded 'Peter Andre's OK.' and we all heaved a sigh of relief!

Rediscovering quinoa. I had some last night as part of a curious cupboard raid meal reminiscent of Ready Steady Cook menus...but anything that has garlic breaded mushrooms in it is fine by me!

Lavender to ease the pain of cooking burns

Almost unearthly lemon light as dawn broke through a rain storm this morning...and the blue washed sky beyond...

A very bright and very breezy day, and having pretty much finished the piece I was writing (not for here just now) I loved getting my eyes off the laptop screen and into the great outdoors. Even if you don't get very far it's still GREAT! And the great thing about being a bit feeble is you feel as if you've been out for hours and walked for miles even when you haven't!

Never mind camera 'shake'...I was fighting camera fly away in the wind today! I give thanks I managed to hang on to it and my yummy take away snacks. I used to live near somewhere in Shropshire that had at the time more pubs per capita than anywhere else in England. Not sure if it still holds that dubious title but I reckon we're in the running for the numbers of cafes here. One of them has work by a brilliant local photographer but I didn't let that put me off! I admired a large print of churning sea foam out beyond Sprey Point while they made my hot chocolate...Debbie Harry was singing The Tide is High on the radio. I liked the sense of sense in that!

Oh Ness it is!

I'm away with the pixels at the moment, tip tapping away at a tale. For that I give great thanks but it's challenge enough for the wordsmith parts - mind, hands, time - so I shall keep this short today.

As ever it's only what's made me feel good...if you don't agree that's fine by me. There is no right and wrong about it...just think of five things of your own!

Bare tree branch fans waving in the wind, and leafy ones ruffling in swirls like fur or feathers

Hathaway

Red pesto

My very sore arm from 'handling' the door yesterday gradually beginning to mend

Seeing the sea shore any time I like even when I don't get actually there. I suspect it looked rather a lot like this today if tide times and daylight matched up!

Warm and wet

Scientists think I talk a lot of twaddle...some are friends, some arch enemies of the chat room scene, some 'do science' for a job, some merely align themselves on the side of what can be proved feeling sure that means they're right. They're quite bright chaps and chapesses mostly, I wouldn't dream of denigrating their intelligence as sometimes they do mine. However (you could feel that 'however' coming on, couldn't you? There was evidence, I'm sure - it couldn't be an irrational perception!) I do love it when people who do science seek the proof of twaddle and this article is my first gratitude of the day...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-21150047

Warm and wet...lovely phrase! And that's the weather they forecast but it's been too windy here to feel warm. I find wind quite exhilarating so there's thanks for that but there's a door here that mustn't blow shut which can be a worry if a window is open. Today I'd downloaded some wonderful music to meditate to (grateful for the music, the facilities and the 'activity' I planned) and this door clicked shut just as I was about to start. So I listened to the soothing sounds as I tried and failed to pull back the latch, looked for tools, removed the handle, turned the spindle with pliers, released myself from captivity and, deciding I couldn't go through this palaver again decided to remove the latch altogether and have handles that turn only the air. This was no mean feat for my fumbly feeble hands so I was very thankful for the co-operation they gave though my wrists are rather sore and I think knitting will be a no-no tonight!

I always mean to ask the scientists...What is love? Can they measure it...has it been proved? And does that describe how they perceive the object of their affections? I love metta and meditation. Scientists are beginning to amass that all important empirical evidence for the benefits of meditation http://blog.ted.com/2013/01/11/4-scientific-studies-on-how-meditation-can-affect-your-heart-brain-and-creativity/
Don't think they've started on metta yet...but the thing is, being a warm and wet sort of being, not steely and hard like a measuring thing, I meditated because it felt good before anyone proved it so I'll be carrying on with the metta too guys and I wish you much wellness in the meantime!

Keeping the lids on it

I give thanks for another afternoon nap...clearly needed after a rather large lunch of leftovers from Friday...and that I've woken up in time for tea!

Gratitude for the sight of the sea mist dissolving as the sun came up today. This time of year a large evergreen tree hides it when it first rises the horizon. Not a bad thing as it can dazzle you so you have to close your eyes or look away anyway...

I'm grateful I got to the very bottom of the laundry basket. There've been things lurking in there for many a moon...so good to air your dirty linen in private!

Thanks too for other odd chores done. I've not had a lot of energy this weekend so it's especially welcome when I keep myself moving and productive...well, now and then anyway!

And now it's dark and, drawing the curtains, the twinkling stars and tanker lights in the bay made me grateful all over again...

Fortune teller

As a sunny day grows dark and grey, I am feeling grateful...

*that the little cakes I made in a post-acupuncture mind altered state on Thursday turned out perfectly edible, in fact actually rather good!

*that Peter made my tea last night... the one that comes on a plate and several that come in a cup!

*for resourcefully and valiantly tacking a maintenance job. Although it refused to respond to the treatment, it was a treat to go out of my comfort zone and try

*for another hasty tasty puff pastry lunch and a well fed snooze that followed

*to this piece about an exhibition that first of all made me wish I could go and see it (and feel rather put out that I can't) and then made me remember how lucky I am...and you... Anyone who is reading this is fortunate indeed...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-coventry-warwickshire-21165839

Matching up

I'm grateful that I slept on the sofa last night in order to have a long lie in watching tennis. And that the match wasn't so riveting that I couldn't drag my eyes from the screen to make some tea and toast, get dressed and so on...

I'm grateful I didn't lose the plot when I discovered that a bit of kit (you don't need to know!) I've been trying to get hold of for a couple of months finally arrived, after many phone calls and emails to all and sundry, but did not fit to the other bit of kit it was supposed to. Also to the lovely Tracy from Covatec Unimedical (see above - you don't need to know either) for  responding to my plea and agreeing to send me the thing I'd been trying to get hold of in the first place.

I give thanks that the Urostomy Association has staff who actually have urostomies...what a difference that makes to getting an answer to a query or two (unrelated to the above)...

I give thanks that I have something to look forward to later in the year...meeting an on line friend to watch (more) tennis. I try to avoid anticipation as a gratitude but the initial arrangements have been made and getting that far is good!

And I'm grateful for these lovely buttons I got in a shop here to replace the boring grey ones on my new cardi. I bought five (as that's the number of buttonholes) but only had time to sew two on so far...it's been that sort of day. And yes, I do know they don't match...

Missing the point?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-21177120 seems there are bayonets unaccounted for at the commando training base...we are told not to worry but I've heard more reassuring news! I think I'm grateful someone has pointed it out anyway...

I'm grateful for finally catching up with Richard Coles on QIXL. Legend or what? He made me dance many years ago and now he makes me chuckle...pretty good going for a gay vicar!

I can't say I'm grateful I found out someone who lives nearby is being treated for breast cancer, but when she said she'd not really talked to anyone about it before, I gave thanks she felt she could.

I give thanks for the priceless pretty sunshine, for great acupuncture, for managing my shopping afterwards despite my deeply dippy state. At least I think I did, though we'll know for sure when I've unpacked! For Peacock's soft viscose leggings...like having your legs kissed...well, maybe not...my memory is a bit hazy there! For the blogger app on my phone that means I can post this without actually logging on to anything as the fairies are settling in for a session tonight and I must away to make my tea whilst still in a capable state. I'm grateful I'm still in a capable state...perhaps best to leave the fugu fondue for another time though...

Icing on the cake

Right, so let's see...

Housework: check
Cooking: check
Emails and phone calls: check
Tennis watching: check
Afternoon nap: check

What else am I supposed to do? Oh yes, write my blog! What has made my life a little more likable the last twenty four hours or so?

*A burgundy red, snow white inside sweet tasting Gala apple. Actually I have a bag of them and they're organic too!  
*New Asda thermals...I've had them before and they get top marks for their comfort/cost/style ratio
*Got to Dance. Has there ever been a contest where the judges are so humble and honest and funny and fun? I'd (almost) be happy to pay my Sky subscription for that and Girls alone...
*The tanginess of that lemon drizzle cake...I'm really disappointed when 'lemon' is light on the lemons and too heavy with the sugar
*Great tennis match between Federer and Tsonga and great quote from the commentator about the difference in volume from the two factions in the crowd: 'Federer fans just tend to drool which isn't very noisy!'
*Oh, and that it snowed and settled a little here where it's usually so meltingly mild!  You might think it's sad and immature for someone who is fifty five next not-so-very-far-away birthday to be so enthusiastic about some crystalline water ice.  I know it's a nuisance in many ways, OK? But anyone who's let their sense of wonder and delight wither at any chronological age is (literally and metaphorically) far sadder!

Tea for one

Much thanks today for my padded coat, fleece lined hat, thick socks, brolly, waterproof footwear etc which made a shopping trip out to the town a few miles away quite manageable... I'd hoped to see some snowy tors from the bus but there was far too much low cloud and rain. I had things to get but wouldn't have gone out today if they hadn't promised us snow and had to make do with some remnants in corners of a school roof and playground as proof the rest of you aren't making it up! Photos don't convince me I'm afraid (though I loved the one of a spaniel's snow bobbled ears and reminiscing about Fraser!) I've seen Catfish...the film and now the start of the MTV series. Brilliant but worrying. Never mind, you know I'm real...don't you?

I'm grateful to the Farmers' Market traders who turned up to sell their wares...and they were very grateful for any customers they had. Particularly delighted with a mini lemon drizzle cake just right for three or four slices...or maybe two depending on quite how delicious it proves to be! Nice to see someone catering for us saddos who rarely have anyone round for tea...Meanwhile much thanks for a last bowl of soup from that panful I made on Sunday!

Foods for thoughts

Last night I gave thanks for a pan of homemade soup for my supper...tired root vegetables given another lease of life with roasting, garlic, ginger, spices and stock. Thank you to me for not opening a can!

This morning I was grateful for a patch of ice cream on the ice blue of the sea that announced a breaking up of cloud and there have been some little spots of sun throughout the day... the glum cold grey of yesterday is my least favourite weather so a very welcome change...

This lunchtime I gave thanks for the wonder that is ready made ready rolled puff pastry. Tesco's Finest is all butter and comes on greaseproof paper so you just cut a bit off and add some cheese, tomatoes, pesto, chutney...whatever you have to hand. Much yumminess for minimal effort! I'm grateful I had the energy and motivation to go to the effort, minimal or not, and lots of bits and bobs in the fridge needing eating up...thus clearing the fridge for the next delivery and, still full, not leaping on the chocolate biscuits when they arrived!

As afternoon turned to evening today, I gave thanks for the long fingers of lemony light before the clouds turned peachy...

Let there be...

What a grey old day today eh?

I gave thanks for the unexpected ten pound note I found in bottom of my bag...it seemed to have fallen out of a packet of tissues! Random...

...for Bob talking about forgetting to drink alcohol. We are the only people I've ever known do this.There seem to be those who don't at all and, sadly, those who forget to stop...but we both rather enjoy a tipple or two, now and then but we'll think of it now and then forget to drink any when a suitable time comes around even though we usually have it around. Maybe that's why we usually have it around...

...for meeting my neighbour on the stairs yesterday when I came home from town...she was carrying her cat down in its carrying box so I knew I'd have a quiet evening ahead!

...remembering these gratitudes from the last couple of days I also remember someone passing on some wisdom they'd heard about how we hang on to our thoughts of slights and losses and grievances rather than the happier memories of joy and I said well I hang on to both! Half way to contentment then!

I give thanks for Clive's very successful and thorough session of do-it-for-me today and particularly for fitting my lovely new bathroom light. I love my new bathroom light and give great thanks for finally realising I could get a new one instead of years of putting up with the first one that refused to fit! Gratitude too to Rachel for taking in the delivery on my behalf and bringing it to acupuncture last week and lending me a bag to carry it in. 

Thanks too for a visit from Laura and much laughter and commiseration between us all about the various challenges of life. And for this...it's not funny or pretty, but interesting to anyone who enjoys a forensic mystery or two. Also poignant and moving, not least for the line 'I have a wonderful husband and a fuzzy dog at home to keep me sane'
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21029783

Drop off

Brr, it's cold! Isn't someone supposed to say 'would you like sprinkles with that?

I'm grateful I slept on the sofa last night, nothing like a change of scene eh? Also, that after stirring late today, I saw Mia commenting on something entirely different on Facebook and turned my TV on so, randomly, I caught the best match of the Ozzie Open so far - Monfils v Simon - both injured ('unglued?' suggests my phone helpfully - yes, they were both coming unstuck!) First sets one way, third and fourth the other and a stunning decider.  Much thanks for seeing that!

I'm grateful that Clive said he'd come fit my new bathroom light tomorrow, not anticipatory thanks but simply that because I'm expecting him I got off my proverbial and went to get some milk and things I was low on... and saw the sea looking really incredibly cold!

I'm grateful I've managed to get the water sliding backwards bit...oh, and while I'm waxing lyrical about water here's some drop photography I found and enjoyed greatly so thought I'd share http://www.liquidsculpture.com/fine_art/water-drop-photo.htm?tmbeitle=ArOrb#

I'm grateful I picked up a few bargains in the Co op where the staff were being extra nice perhaps in hopes of luring customers back from the new Morrison's store just out of town. Just out of town might as well be Timbuktu to me so my little bit of custom won't change...

I'm grateful two people recommended books late last night...again very random, two different people, two different books but the similar timing was bizarre. Someone also offered a place to stay for a couple of days if the sofa isn't change enough,with cooking done for me too...rather tempting I must say...very rare ever I get looked after...not just 'these days'..ever. Anyway, I'm home and warm and looking after myself as best I can in the meantime. I've made some food which I thought must be lunch but looking at the time it might have been tea so I'd better have a nap before supper I'm thinking!

Looking up

I'm grateful for a mostly somnolent day. There was nothing much I wanted to do...what better day not to do it?

I'm grateful for my cosy bed. I'm grateful we escaped snow chaos here, though a glimpse of some falling wouldn't have come amiss for those of us who still know how to access childlike glee. Every time I noticed the sound of rain on the window panes had ceased I'd reach for my glasses, sit up and look up hopefully for the specks of darker grey against the gloomy sky. Never mind...I give thanks for the awesomeness of the sea, looking magnificent, sounding a mighty roar...

I give thanks that my Sky dish stayed on the wall outside despite the wind that caused the mighty roar to rattle it about a bit, so that, when finally I had risen and dressed and done the washing up and tidying up and so on, I could watch some of the Australian Open tennis. I do appreciate it if, when I'm not feeling mobile or connected much to the world, there's some event somewhere I can join in with by being part of a TV audience. Much thanks to the modern technology that keeps me from totally imploding!

Oh, and that sometimes I manage to type a whole sentence hitting the right keys every time...as long as it's a short one! Hasn't happened yet today (hardly a word typed correctly first time today!) but I do feel sometimes it's important to appreciate possibilities even if actualities are rather lacking in delight...

Meant to be

Oops, fell asleep there... Um, where was I? Was I meant to be doing something? Oh yes - being grateful, I remember! I'm grateful for.... double glazing, heaters, hats and scarves, goodies and hoodies (my phone didn't know the word 'hoodies', so I'm grateful for the opportunity to give thanks for goodies too!), for the ongoing support and comfort I get from my sofa, snuffly throws (another phone-ism - work it out!), Rachel and Claire's kindness when I was snuffly and sad (that's what I mean this time!), acupuncture, leftovers for my tea so I didn't have to do much afterwards and remembering to wake up and write my blog so that now I don't have to do anything very much more!

The world is my fish finger

...nothing wrong with fish fingers...just concentrating on keeping them crispy and fresh, not limp and soggy...

I'm grateful I know what I'm talking about...you'll have to make your own arrangements I'm afraid!

I think I'm grateful I discovered you can go to Brochel on Streetview. 'Tis a wonderful thing modern technology and deeply delightful to virtually be back there after fifty years but even so a little sad the way the wilds of the world are becoming less so...

I'm grateful I still make plans now and then. Nutty as a fruit cake may be, and fruition extremely far fetched, but where there's hope there's life, you know?

I'm grateful for tea and toast - apparently simple pleasures but having all requisites to hand, including power in the socket and lead in your pencil, much appreciated nonetheless. Very comforting they feel as well... I'm grateful for mostly cosiness on this rather chilly day, including a sofa snooze...

...and, still on the culinary front but ever so slightly more exotic, if you make a veggie stew (as I so often do!) and then put a little chopped up goat's cheese on it rather than cheddar you get this amazing creamy liquor in the bowl. I'm grateful that, still plodding through the Christmas leftovers, I discovered this by chance...it will be deliberate next time I'm sure!

Is it a bird?

Special mentions today for...

A package addressed to a neighbour who educates their child at home with the title Head Teacher,  School of Life...

Jenny coming to do some heavy cleaning jobs

A chirruping robin hopping along the path beside me as I walked to the seafront

Great clear view along the coast all the way to Dorset and a tiny speck in the sky that made me think what's that, is it a UFO? An albatross? No, it's a big stately Hercules coming to give me a fly past...which is no more than I deserve of course! I did try enlarging the photo so the plane is bigger but the clouds are too awesome to exclude I think, don't you?

Finding a big fluffy cardi in the sale and some pull on ice grips for my shoes in the cheapy shop so I'm all set for the temperature drop...

Putting a veggie stew in the slow cooker so I'm all ready for my tea...

Ups and downs

Today I'm giving more thanks for more sorting and clearing...especially for getting my bedroom back to the state of welcoming serenity it was in before Christmas domestic rearrangements... (for 'rearrangements' read mess!)

For the soft graduation of colours in the sky as darkness fell...and that it's still not completely fallen at 5.10pm

For some Amazon ordering glitches unglitched

For the sight of a neighbour's scampering cat with periscope tail accompanying her and her dog on a morning constitutional around the communal gardens

For this news story http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10333211 about some amazing 'lumpy tablet' technology - keys on a touchscreen not medication that's hard to swallow! Also this strange tale from Germany which, after hearing the puppy seemed to be OK, did raise an eyebrow and a chuckle...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10333211

Not flakey

Gratitude today for the glorious weather...still and bright and rather warm in the sunshine...well the sunshine that came through the windows - I din't actually go outdoors! The picture above is from yesterday when the scudding clouds and messy breakers did seem to bode well for a flake or two of snow. I rather fancied a flake or two of snow, but there you go... Just to the right of this view is a place where gentlemen adjust their dress (surfers not cottagers) and I know some of my readers would have been quite grateful if I'd swung the camera round but it was a bit nippy and it wouldn't have been polite!

I'm grateful I've done a bit of tidying up and sorting out. I've been feeling a bit stuck and it's a good way to get the energy flowing again. It also makes the place look more pleasant. I give thanks for all the stuff I have that keeps getting in the way of life!

Thanks too for a huge cauliflower cheese that should keep even a cauliflower cheese addict going for a couple of days. I'm grateful for the ingredients to make it and the strength of body and mind to do so...kind of lost interest again now it's made but hopefully I'll have worked up an appetite by suppertime! I continue to rack my brains and the internet for some interesting kind of break I could do solo with the various limitations of my various baggage but discovered my passport has expired...I think I'm grateful that narrows it down...

Present senses

Well, let's see...today I'm grateful for...

..the awesome drumming of my neighbour. He is so good! I cannot imagine how he gets his arms to move so fast and accurately...absolutely amazing! 

...the hyacinth's scent from the bulbs given me at Christmas

...primary coloured cars parked in a row - brightest blue, green and yellow. OK, I know green isn't 'primary' in the art sense...but what if I meant primary as in school?

...the enormous fresh cream choux bun I had for lunch/afternoon tea

...and that all my bedding's changed...fresh and crisp and smooth. Time to start with a clean sheet maybe...

Leave only footprints

Someone I've known for years 'unfriended' me on Facebook the other day. We'd not been as close as we used to be...in fact, when I tried to remember the last time we met I could only remember the last time we didn't ie. she stood me up! So yes, even though I struggle with social signals I guess I can see there were some signs of cooling off and I'm sure the standard response would be...well, who needs friends like that? But, to be honest, I don't consider myself to be in a position to be that picky! Not just because my world doesn't overflow with love and friendship, but because increasingly I'm of the opinion we spend far too much time, not only judging others and finding them wanting, but withdrawing what affection we have as a result. I know I have a few personality traits and views that maybe aren't everyone's favourite, but (while we're being honest) so does she...so do we all! Maybe we don't want to talk to everyone, even virtually, every day but seriously - a few on line exchanges now and then, birthday greetings and so on...isn't it part of what makes the world go round? Hmm...I don't seem to have found a gratitude yet in this, do I? I'm sure I will in time...bear with me...*

In the meantime...I'm thankful yesterday not too much of a chore. Didn't get very wet, didn't have to wait around too much...Rachel made me a mug of tea after my treatment, bless her, and I had time to get a few bargains in Thorntons and Lush before my appointment. In fact almost enough bargains in Thorntons and Lush to make up my five gratitudes by themselves!

Today someone from Volunteering in Health called to talk about putting my crafting skills to more use for them and I was grateful for that rare and valuable experience of feeling valuable...and then I spent a happy hour or so almost persuading myself to book a rather expensive holiday before common sense regarding capabilities v logistics kicked in. It's not the price...it's whether I'd be able to get my money's worth out of it. Oh well...we live and yearn, eh?

Leave only footprints - as many as you like...but not actually on me OK!

* Yup. I got it, I think...one less person who doesn't appreciate me means all the more room in my life for those who do!

Televisionactive

For Joe Brown's for having a sale...selling me such a lovely top and delivering it so speedily!

...and, as I went into the bedroom to try it on, a big blue and white tanker gracefully gliding through my slice of sea view aided by the bustling pilot boat. Dusk was just falling and their lights gleaming in the gloom...beautiful!

For a neighbour whistling Hey Jude in the gardens...

For finding out there's a 'balsamic' phase of the moon...the last couple of days before it's new. Interesting and poetic too...

For my best pal - my TV! You guys who have human companions can mock or be shocked...but my TV is never too busy or too late. It waits for me, takes me places, and stays with me when I can't go out...it never minds what makes me laugh or cry or shout, if I ignore it or ask it for same things over and over again. Yup, it's sad kind of life...I know that...but it would be much sadder without my telly! Special mention to: Undateables - I love that the series shows how loved and accepted these people are by friends and family, underlining that those we think are different to ourselves have much the same feelings and needs. I love them all!  And for Got to Dance: I love that the judges have to too! So moving and warm compared to other talent shows...well, most TV shows full stop!

Needles and pines

I give thanks for the sound of the birds singing and the rain on the leaves as evening fell yesterday...and having my window open and a snuggly throw to appreciate it better! Today they've been twittering away in the trees outside. I wonder if they are saying the avian equivalent of  'Nice day...and about time too!' and 'I hear it's going to get colder. Honestly - the weather! Somehow I don't think so...

For her upstairs having a rough night when I was having one too so I didn't care about the noise...

For Volunteering in Health managing to come up with a driver for the 'home run' tomorrow evening at short notice. I just don't feel up to an hour's journey on public transport with all the extra bits of walking you have to do, in the dark and rain and cold...maybe if I hadn't had a better offer that was then withdrawn I might have felt more resilient. I might seem tough but I do have a wimp mode just like everyone else...

For finally summoning up a bit of an appetite today. Don't know where it's been sneaking off to lately...maybe one of you has it?

For a Sky David Attenborough thing about how the different ages of the various Galapagos Islands all have a role to play in supporting the diverse flora and fauna. Even when they are not islands any more but buried under the sea...I felt there was some metaphor for human life there too...

Here's a picture of the tree pile I was talking about. It's the blurriest - but it does show the most trees. All that glee and anticipation when they arrived and now they're just waiting to be chopped up. Hmm more metaphors coming on. I suspect I'm not in the best frame of mind to be writing a gratitude blog today!

Want not

Wow...another six hours almost solid sleep! Amazing! There are so many things that commonly stop this happening - various physical discomforts and pains, a range of nearby noises, the complicated logistics of bags and tubes... sometimes none of these seem to be to blame, and I'm not stressed or worried or even (unlikely!) excited about anything - just sleepless.

It's yet another condition associated with kidney disease, so maybe that's the reason. As I receive both modern Western and traditional Chinese treatment it's interesting comparing the different approaches and associations, but basically both agree that kidneys deal with your blood and as your blood is literally vital to the rest of your body then all manner of malfunctions can ensue. I've had/have a few and am extremely grateful a) that the symptom that affects me most is the debilitating daytime doziness and b) that quite often I'm able to give it free rein!

Nephrologists, urologists and oncologists all agree whatever is going on in my body I do seem to manage remarkably well on it... Some of them express it through gritted teeth as someone who doesn't do what they are told and still does OK is can be rather irritating, others talk of the important role of my PMA...which puzzled me at first as, though I may have it, I'd not heard of it before! Some even, off the record of course, say the alternative approaches I have to both treatment and life in general must be a contributory factor. I don't follow any particular regime, religion or recipe...thus today, in need of a change of scene and routine, and as even a mini break would max me out on effort, I decided to sleep on the sofa bed and then lie in it late eating rye toast and Nutella and watching clinically obese and alcoholically insane people on TV...and thus felt particularly healthy and wise...

There's been a tough life lesson to revisit today...in the first part of my life, when people were less than loving and kind I was led to believe this was my fault in some way for being something, or not being something else...or sometimes maybe even for not being someone else! Increasingly these days I'm thinking that actually   people can just be unloving and unkind and wherever they choose to lay the blame I don't have to pick it up... As long as I work on responding with compassion and understanding, including to myself, actually I'm more than OK!

Waste not

I give thanks for the days getting noticeably longer again. Even though no amount of courage or wisdom would change a thing if I didn't appreciate the phenomenon...it does improve my serenity!

...for some very ripe brie...it was 'well hung' you might say a couple of weeks ago when I bought it. Positively perfect now...

...for finally feeling up to walking down the hill and a sugar rush pit stop at East Cliff to keep me going through the tasks and chores...

...for the different textures and colours in the pile of Christmas trees waiting for recycling on the way there. I took some pics but you'll have to take my word for it for now...

...for finding a very unusual thing - a pair of jeans with a waistband in the place I now require it. I wasn't looking for any, just taking a shortcut through a store and there they were. One pair left in my size and cheaper than any others I've seen... plus a big tray of bite size prepared fruits in the reduced section at the Co op...melon, grapes, pineapple etc

I'm grateful for sleeping quite well again last night...hasn't stopped me being sleepy for most of the day though...honestly, renal failure is so...

zzzzz....

Tonight life

I feel fortunate for...

...a few hours of deep sleep...not always a given, never taken for granted...

...my online bank immediately refunding fraudulent card usage...I still have my card so not sure how the details were acquired but it's reassuring they were so reassuring...

...the privilege of seeing the secret life of rhinos at night...watch the first episode of Africa if you don't know what I mean!

...a happy chatty visit from Clive...who was rewarded in Twiglets for helping finish up the bacon (by making us butties!) and the last of the Christmas cake... He has hurt his back so I was also pleased to be able to offer one of my warmed cherry stone pillows for comfort...I thank Bob for finding those wonderful pillows!

...my favourite reality talent show - Got to Dance - starts a new season tonight. Of course it's not really a reality show as many of the contestants have super human physical powers...and it's not like any other TV talent competition as the judges are actually nicely mannered and encouraging...

Phone home

I'm grateful I've been technically up and about and even slightly active today... Grateful for a little light housework done including (mostly) desparkling the carpets (gets everywhere glitter, doesn't it?) and taking some recycling down to the bins. If my deckies were still up I'd be debating if it were today or tomorrow I'm supposed to take them down so I did my nearest equivalent and caught up with this year's QI Christmas special instead...when they debated if it were 5th or 6th you were supposed to...

I give thanks for the programme's seasonal jollity, likewise for the 'raw' humour in Simon Amstell's Numb and, to balance the tone, for Satish Kumar's uplifting autobiography of pilgrimage. For a bit of knitting and a lot of sitting...

I'm grateful I have a little more of an appetite, and some easy food for my tea, for the lights of the vessels twinkling in the bay as darkness falls...I give thanks for my cooker, my TV, my bath and my bed! Oh, and the app on my tablet phone to enable me to tell you with minimum effort...

This and that

Today I give thanks for the wonder that is my blog. It doesn't matter to me whether you regard it as a wonder or not, but recently I've found myself marvelling at the blessing that is this opportunity to contemplate things I appreciate on such a regular basis... and that I so regularly take that opportunity too!

Sometimes I'm experiencing a lot of delight and it can seem counterproductive to stop and write it down, and sometimes I am not and it's a struggle to think of positivity to share...or then again my body or mind might arguing a lot about the effort or value of sharing it...but I know none of this matters either! It really is a case of the intention being the thing...

I'm increasingly aware that we mostly only hear what we want or expect to hear, or to put it another way, we choose what it means...and then respond accordingly. Then that response is also open to a variety of translations according to the receiver's point of view at the time. So whatever I write, you will read as you will. I think this awareness of the multiplicity of meaning naturally increases with age as we experience more usages, nuances and connotations but modern media also bombards us with words and images that can be, and are, interpreted in many different ways and thus younger people have more opportunities to comprehend the mystery of communication earlier in life. If they are that way inclined of course!

Apologies to anyone I've lost on the way of my ramblings today...I appreciate your patience and tolerance...I also give thanks for Spellcheckers for making the individual words more likely to make sense even if in combination they are just as obtuse....And to Tesco for making sure I don't go hungry again. How would I manage without them? For this photo I forgot from Christmas Eve of a raindropped solitary rose...

And finally I thought any persistent weather moaners might be interested in this...some hard data to back up my own constant bleating that it does depend on your point of view!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-20900662

The life of I

There was a long gap between my appointments today and, having not been out much the last few days, nor indeed out much on my own for a couple of weeks, I hoped to go on bit of a journey of discovery. I don't like my interactions with the outside world to be about finding out that people don't like traffic/prices/weather/waiting/each other too much but do like thinking everything they don't like is someone else's fault. I know all that, don't want to dwell on that or tell you that...  I like to see what I can find that feels good to me and share it.

I enjoyed looking at the Christmas decorations in some of the house windows in town and remembered I forgot to say there was a tanker in port with a little Christmas tree lashed to the top of its mast last week... Loved that!

I went to a second hand book shop with no particular plan in mind and found the autobiography of an ex Jain monk I've seen on a TV programme, and who had fascinated and inspired me. An autographed copy no less! And then found a quiet cafe serving lentil soup with a warm cheese scone which tempted my jaded appetite... And then finally I had my lovely long awaited acupuncture after which I felt different but still dozy, and headed home for a much needed nap...

I've written the above after reading that 'research has suggested people who are spiritual but not religious have more mental health problems' Well, research can suggest all kinds of things...but small ones are definitely more juicy! I'm grateful I found some pleasures in my day and I'm now drifting back into dreamland I think...

Class acts

Another quiet and mostly horizontal day here...I give thanks I don't have much to do on days when I feel like I can't!

Things that have made this time more enjoyable include...hot water bottles and warm cherry stone pillows... a jig saw to do...

Beautiful classic cars, clothes and so on in The Girl (about the relationship between Alfred Hitchcock and Tippi Hedren). Dark but compelling themes and such excellent acting you forgot you were not watching the characters portrayed. Also wonderful scenery...I followed it up with a documentary wondering why Derek Bird ran amok with shotguns and rifle in the Lake District. More darkness and beautiful countryside. Might not be everyone's cup of tea but went down well for me with rooibosch and knitting...

Finding the appetite and inclination to make something to eat ...and some food still in a fit state to be eaten! 

The quality of the light as this afternoon turned into evening - the sun clearly higher over the horizon now...and damnyouautocorrect.com for lightening my own darkness when awake in the night.

Seeing footage of polar bears playing with sled dogs and coming back each year to renew their friendship. I think I love this one best of all!

Date and wallflower

There was a possibility something totally amazingly brilliant would occur in my world on New Year's Eve... I'm loath to tell you what in case you think it's silly or sad, but to me it would have been better than any party...I nearly had a dog come to stay!  However it wasn't to be. Oh well, another lesson in non-expectation/attachment...They're always needed, aren't they...and an ideal time really with hopes and resolutions high on many agendas. I enjoyed the idea of it greatly and spent the evening doing a jigsaw sky and a lot of metta...wishing health, happiness and contentment on everyone I could think of. And I do mean everyone I could think of, whether I know/have known them personally or not...it went on for hours!

I'm grateful I stayed up to toast the chimes with Horlicks as lots of colourful fireworks went off nearby! And for this bright and breezy day, ideal for anyone planning to walk off any excess...in my mind I was up on a hill looking at the patterns the shadows of the clouds made as they move across the countryside. I was wearing sheepskin mittens and with a lovely man and a lovely dog (both of whom thought I was lovely too of course!) and there was something savoury and nutritious slow cooking in the Aga for when we got home. I'm grateful for my imagination...and my dressing gown and solitary boiled egg! I am very blessed to know how blessed I am and to realise how many of the apparently non-blessings in my life have helped me grow. Failing to meet the criteria for conditional love have made me much better at the unconditional sort for instance...

I'm grateful for a couple of New Year greetings and finding some programmes I forgot to record earlier in the week on the Sky BBC catch up thingy. Gratitude also for my three calendars and two diaries. What do you reckon...split them between all the different kinds of medical appointments I have?