Less miserables

I was mystified when Laura rang me last night announcing 'Good news! Good news!' in a rather self satisfied way. I mean, I've heard a lot about the happy stuff going on in other people's lives over the last few days, and I'm grateful for their pleasure, and for their thinking to tell me about it, but she's a sensitive soul, she knows I feel lame and ashamed about not having glad tidings of my own to share, and this had almost the sound of a gloat. And then she revealed the reason she was pleased with herself was because she'd finished the cryptic crossword I'd put in her Christmas card (no hint buttons for her, ha ha!) and wanted to share the little epiphanies when she'd solved some of the clues. And then I felt rather self satisfied too as I realised I really had managed to create some enjoyment in someone else's life at a time there'd been so little in mine. Absolutely fabulously astonishing and I gave a lot of thanks for that...and even more when Jan said today she'd appreciated hers as well

I give thanks recently my wakefulness in the night has been more to do with being bored out of my unfortunately not so tiny mind as unbearable pain. The boredom that comes from physical limitation is painful too though in its way, and I give thanks the limitations aren't so bad I can't get up and get a cuppa in the night. I give thanks for the memories of adventures experienced, and allowing the occasional thought one day maybe more may be possible again. Not hopes, nor any kind of planning...they would seem far too risky ventures yet.

I give thanks for the cold rainy weather - no it didn't make me grateful to stay indoors, but it made still not being able to make it to bus stops and back to get to a hospital appointment a little less miserable making. On an intellectual level I am, of course, very grateful volunteer transport exists but for me personally being reliant on it creates a black hole into which all thankfulness in the surrounding hours is sucked. Dealing with issues regarding dependence and ill health is quite enough of a challenge without a hefty charge for enforced sedentary small talk too! Oh well, it's nice to have a change from listening to grumpy neighbours, to see a few different trees and patches of sky...

I give thanks for realising I was dragging my heels so much in moving towards going the image of a dog getting itself ready to go to the vet springing to mind! Also, though it may sound strange, for a spot of domestic drama requiring some vigorous physical intervention...because I found myself capable of the tasks involved and, though afterwards sore, I also also enjoyed the knowledge that I'd been able to do it at all.

I give thanks for making it through another difficult day, coming up with a few sharable things to say...and a plan to make the evening less miserable that includes a lot of hot water!