Nothing to declare

Maybe I've watched too much Nothing to Declare but I felt a twinge of guilt at packing snacks in my suitcase last week. An apple or a chocolate bar nestling amid your clothing can be an offence when entering another continent but not another English county! I'm watching it again this afternoon...I just find it so utterly fascinating...especially the work in the post room. I've not had a career and have no regrets, as I've had such a variety of employment experiences. Before I got sick I had a plan to train as a reflexologist but it's not often I see a mainstream job and think...yeah, I could have done that well and happily. I've been puzzled as to why something so 'straight' and authoritative as x-raying and dissecting mail would appeal...but then I realised it's not so different from pathology which I also might have enjoyed. In fact in a lot of my working (and playing) life I've put things together not taken them apart...fabrics, beads, yarns, notes, words and images too...rather interestingly different really...

Some days I wonder about declaring gratitude too...sometimes what I feel is more neutral than that. I don't mean I'm not content, just that I'm conscious of not wanting appreciation to turn into attachment, or pleasures to become preferred to the extent that their absence causes pain. This doesn't have to be as deep as you might think...I've become rather attached to the taste and texture of the Hobnob creams in the packet I've just opened and there's a possibility of some distress when the end of it is reached!

I give thanks for such delights and the (relative) self control I exercise when eating them! I give thanks for the Tesco delivery driver taking the groceries into the kitchen. This was also a bit odd as I usually ask them to leave the trays in the living room and sort things out from there. It's not as if it's even obvious where the kitchen is when you walk into the flat...but he walked right into it and put the tray down on the work surface I'd just cleared for the purpose!

I give thanks for having a bit more energy today...I've had more pain too and I certainly don't want to get into preferences here but if you have energy and inclination to do things other than focus on pain it can make for a more interesting day. I give thanks for getting the washing done and having my eye on some ironing as a doable chore. For date porridge - one of my favourite cold weather breakfasts and samosas - one of my favourite snacks for lunch. I give thanks for relative peace in the neighbourhood and the mercury rising higher. For meditation and contemplation and a selection of entertaining distractions on TV.