It's not what it seems

I give thanks for remembering last night there's no such thing as 'New Year', not in the sense of something that starts on an arbitrary calendar date anyway. If you've not achieved the state of advertised Christmas it can be a bit daunting to be under the impression there are more social benchmarks possibly about to remain unreached. There are not. If you are partying and/or celebrating your here and now or your optimism in the future that's all well and good. If not well that's OK too...

I give thanks I know I just have to apply the same logic to my upcoming 'big' birthday. Of course I want to do something special and enjoyably memorable to mark the occasion, especially as the odds of me reaching it seemed so low...and the odds of starting dialysis soon and being even less able to do wonderful things seem so high. But I have to remember it's not a given that you get to do nice things for birthdays, let alone extra nice things for ones that end in 0. It's just that in the part of the world and the time that I live in and among the people I know, it's the style to be aspired to, to feel you 'deserve' to have a fuss made of you or have some fabulous experience or treat. The trouble with this fashion of thinking is not everyone can have that kind of good stuff and those that can't might think they're less deserving. And the one thing they don't deserve is that!

I give thanks for getting through another twenty four hours of emptying buckets as well as trying to empty my mind of twaddle. For thinking to leave notes for all the other residents of the building explaining what the puddle was (I dropped a full container of rainwater over me and the floor on the way to emptying it down the loo), explaining that after my upcoming surgery I won't be able to empty buckets at all so puddles will become commonplace and suggesting if they wanted to join in trying to get the roof fixed too it might benefit us all.  

For a patch of better weather so I could safely escape for a while and for Mima agreeing to meet me when I did. For this bright doubling rainbow. They're not what they seem either...