Reconstruction

The weather report for here today says white cloud...but the white cloud has landed and there's some precipitation in sight as the shipping forecasts say. Now I'm a summer sunshine lover but there's things about all seasons I like and just now in the kitchen waiting for the kettle for my morning cuppa to boil I was looking through the mist at the houses higher up the hill and could see the light bulbs on in some of the windows. That's quite a cosy sight to me, evoking cosier times. Autumns in Wales in a house with a dog and a teenage boy and a knitting machine always busy. When people used to come and visit... People actually used to come and stay even. Wow, I'm tearing up now at the recollection!

Well anyway, I'm back in bed and give thanks for the times I'm remembering...for the golden glow that tinges their recall that is nothing to do with turning leaves but with the selective nature of memory. I think it selects the essence of a time though. There are times I look back and give an involuntary shiver of horror at what went on or shake of the head in disbelief at how I let it, how deluded I have been. Sometimes I marvel at my ability to think well of people's intentions when they were so blatantly bad. Sometimes I beat myself up about it mentally but it takes two to trample as well as to tango. Just because a person is vulnerable you don't HAVE to take advantage, just because a person is generous you don't HAVE to take what you can and run. My pet head shaker now with the wisdom of hindsight, is the old chestnut that I've brought it on myself through low self esteem...er, no, you took the piss and you made yourself feel better about it by blaming me! Humans eh? Sometimes I have to admit it's rather restful realising I don't have to be one very much longer! And I mean that most sincerely folks so don't assume I'm being miserable, I'm not!

Anyway, I'm not quite ready to take my harp out onto the white cloud yet...I want to look out of the window at it and I give thanks both for clarity and for the lack of it in appropriate proportions! I also want to get the living room decorated first, ha ha! Everything hurts this morning but I've promised myself if I get up and lightly sand and prime/undercoat the broken parts of skirting I reconstructed with Polyfilla last night I can come back to bed while it (quick) dries. Then maybe the lure of the first coat of colour on the next ready metre or so will get me on my knees again later!

Special hello to Tiggs this morning who is going through a hard time. Thinking of you and wishing you well...