absent friends

I miss the ones I thought I had, am grateful for the ones I seem to have found. A little wary...

Last night I thought my hair now looked almost normal enough to wear au naturel, this morning I see clearly some covering is required. No longer look like a militant lesbian, a Buddhist nun, or someone who's having chemo....just someone with a hairstyle fail!

For those who don't know it wasn't chemo that made me lose my hair...well not all of it anyway. I wasn't on particularly lock threatening drugs and didn't take them for long anyway. It started out long and curly and it got thinner and shorter somehow but after six months or so it was getting back to normal. Then my new oncologist explained clearly what no one else had before...that the chemo they had forced me to have with all its accompanying cockups and trauma (including strokes that no one recognised even tho I couldn't talk or walk properly and lost the use of one hand) had merely been palliative anyway and they'd always known they could not cure my cancer.

A couple of days later I looked in the mirror and thought what's that in my hair. And then I realised it was a bit of scalp where no hair was...and it grew and grew and grew. I didn't make the connection for a few weeks...I was too traumatised and trying to look normal at work with an expanding bald patch on the top of my head but then I began to wonder...

I lost it all, save eyebroes and lashes but after a year or so it began to creep back un evenly like flocked wallpaper in a random design and a different texture and colour thasn before. Hair, but not as I knew it ha ha!