Imaginary friends

Today it feels as if I've mostly got to prepare for my hospital trip tomorrow. Practically, as I still have to fit in all the usual Tuesday things like the nurse's visit and acupuncture so have to make sure have everything ready like clothes and things I need to take with me, and also psychologically as it's about eighteen months since I had a full on investigative scan. That's the kind of thing I'd intended writing about in the Cancer Research forums in hopes of some emotional support from people who had an inkling of what I might be feeling but since there were complaints about my postings I don't feel safe or welcome to share there. Facebook friends lists, address books virtual and otherwise, contacts on my phones...no one there either, who's actually there and would appreciate me dripping tears on their shoulders intead of being delighted at their Ideal Homes and partyworld updates, so I must try and construct a few days of maximum self preservation and divine intervention and do without the 'middle men' to hold my hand and soothe my fears and create the comforting illusion of care.

So my first gratitude of the day is for meditation and contemplation and invocation...things easier to do all alone.

And my second is for imaginary friends...I had two who played and talked with me as a solitary child that nobody else could see and numerous ones since who others can see but I can't any more ha ha! Here's to the gone ones. Just because you stopped loving me even the little bit you did does not mean I stopped loving you. May you be well, may you be happy, may you be at ease.

I wonder if I'll have to pay full fare for my guardian angel on the bus?